There is no doubt that we all want to be treated well. However, how do others know how to treat us the way we wanted? It is through what we tell others? Or it is through our behaviors and actions?
We have heard so often that if we want others to treat us well, we have to treat others well with the way we wanted to be treated. If that was the case, how come there are people who treat others poorly? Do they want to be treated poorly?
It is not that others wanted to be treated poorly, but there are times where they treat others well, but they do not get it back in return. As a result, some people will end up quitting treating others well.
However, it is not your fault that others do not return back the kindness that you expected when you treat others well. As human beings, each of us has different level of expectation of what it means to be treated well. When you believe the way you treat others are great, and then do not get it back in return, it means the other person has a higher level expectation of what treated well is. As a result, the other person will not return your kindness because you did not meet their standard of treating well.
Since each of us has a different standard of what treating well is, it is difficult to know how to treat others the way they want. Furthermore, when you have to guess on how others would like to be treated, it is unlikely that we will meet their standard.
In this case, the best way for others to know how to treat you well is through how well you treat yourself. One of the best ways for others to learn and apply something is through seeing some kind of example. When you are treating yourself well, others will see exactly how you would like to be treated, and then they can do the same thing for you.
For example, if you are being kind to yourself, others will treat you kindly. If you are clam, others will also be calmed when they are around you. If you are a positive person, people will treat you in a positive way. However, if you are always angry at yourself, people are more likely to be angry at you. If you are a serious person, others will become serious when they are around you.
A good example would be the way you eat. People are likely to provide you with foods that they commonly see you eat. People would be unlikely to offer you something that they had never seen you eat before because they are afraid that you might not like it. So if people see you eat hamburgers all the times, they will offer you hamburgers. However, if you are a healthy eater who always eats fruits and vegetables, people will most likely offer you fruits and vegetables.
Another example would be if you are a dirty person. You will realize that when you are a messy person who rarely cleans yourself up, others are less likely to clean their home nicely when you come and visit. They believe that their mess is not a big deal to you because that is how you are. However, if you are a neat person, when you come to others’ home, others will try to make their home as neat as possible. If others want you to come into their home and you are a neat person, they will try to meet your standard. As a result, when you are treating yourself well, everyone and everything around you will treat you well according to your standard.
If you found out that others are not treating you well, then you need to re-evaluate how you treat yourself. Do not be surprise if you have being treating yourself negatively. Sometimes we treat ourselves in a negative way without realizing it.
To help you see if you are treating yourself well, you want to write down on the left side of a piece of paper on how you would want others to treat you. And then go through eat item individually to see if you are treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. For example, if you want others not to get angry and forgive you when you make a mistake, then reflect back to yourself if you forgive yourself or not when you make a mistake. If you don’t forgive yourself, people will not forgive you. If you expect others to do something, you have to do it first. They need to see what you are doing, so they can copy it. Or if you want others to be positive around you, and then ask yourself are you a positive person? Do you always think of the positive side when things happen? Or do you get upset easily?
“You train people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.” Martin Rutte
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