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Do you know what you want?

Commit to change...
Commit to change...
The Situationist

Have you ever heard anyone complain about nothing? If you don’t, you might be the girlfriend who is always complaining about her man, but she is not making any changes to improve her situation. I hope you are not this woman because a woman who complains about nothing does not know what she wants. Do you know what you want?

You should be able to clearly state the qualities and expectations that you have for your mate. Have you taken the time to evaluate the kind of relationship that you want to have? You must ask yourself how much time that you want to spend with your significant other. Do you need space or do you like to be together all of the time? How important is your immediate family, career, and participation in extra curricular activities? How important is your relationship? Do you have the time to create the relationship that you want?

Creating a thriving relationship takes more time and energy than meets the eye. Those old couples who still look at each other with a sparkle in their eyes put in a lot of effort to get to that point. The good news is that it starts with you. In order to have a fulfilling relationship with your mate, you must have a healthy relationship with yourself. You must make sure that you understand your own foundation, which are your beliefs and values before you attempt to focus on improving the relationship.

After you have established a solid foundation, you can move on to your relationship. The first step to improving your relationship is clarifying what you want from it. If you don’t know what you want from your man, you are setting him up for failure. You can’t expect him to guess what your needs are. He cannot read your mind and he may not be able to read your lips either. You must be very clear about what your needs are and be able to communicate them well. Yelling, screaming, whining, or talking in circles is not communicating well. Don’t expect him to be able to decipher your needs through your nagging. He won’t be able to do it and you will end up disappointed.

In order to avoid unexpected disappointments, you must set realistic expectations. It is not reasonable to expect perfection, or not even close to it. Everyone makes mistakes and keeping track of those mistakes is not love. Most likely, the mistakes that he is making now are the mistakes that he made before you were in a committed relationship. As Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Don't make him tell you again. Accept it the first time, and make a choice to love him despite his flaws.

The process of acceptance is easier said than done. Accepting and understanding yourself more will help you to accept and understand your man. Understanding what your own needs are and developing a plan to fulfill your own needs is vital. You may need to hire a life coach to help you to clarify your beliefs, values, and needs. If you are overwhelmed, and you don’t know where to start, send an e-mail to to request a life assessment or personal development consultation.

It will take time to change various areas of your life, but it is worth the time and effort. If you want the best, do your best to get the best. Regardless, it is your responsibility to know what you want from your mate. It is not his fault if he is not meeting a need that he doesn’t know about. Men are more interested in what you do more than what you say. You must teach him how to treat you. If you start treating yourself better by committing to personal growth and development, your relationship will improve. If you want to see your relationship at its best, know what you want.


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