Do's and Don'ts - if he's cheating on you - National infidelity

Practical advice from an infidelity expert on what to do if you just
found out he's cheating on you. Do's and Don'ts
Photo istockphoto.com/ Artur Gabrysiak

Infidelity is constantly in the news, but when it strikes home, most women are unsure what to do.

If you just found out your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you, it’s important to know how to proceed.

For the best way to handle the situation, follow the do's and don’ts below:

DON’T immediately move out or send the cheater packing. You need to gather more information about what’s really going on before you can make an intelligent decision on the best course of action to take. See What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me? and Go or Stay? – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance.

DO keep your eyes and ears open and document signs of infidelity, suspicious behavior from your husband, and other proof that he’s having an affair. See How to Catch a Cheating Husband and 5 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity if You Suspect an Affair and 7 More Compelling Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity.

DON’T broadcast his infidelity to everyone you know. Keep this information to yourself or it could backfire on you. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the other woman. Friends and family (his or yours) could take sides, or respond with anger and hostility. See Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You.

DO confide in someone you truly trust in order to get the support you need.

DON’T go into “denial mode” or turn a blind eye to his affair. The cheater may assume that he has successfully pulled the wool over your eyes. Or, worse yet, he may think he has your silent approval. See 3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose By Being the Last to Know.

DO speak to the cheater about his cheating. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Take a firm stand, let him know that your disapprove, and tell him you want it to stop. See If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand and What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat

DON’T confront the cheater about his infidelity without proof, a plan, and a purpose: Do your homework, have your proof on hand, a list of questions you want ask, points you want to make, and what action you want the cheater to take when the discussion is over. See What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You

DO present your evidence, ask specific questions, and use the information you’ve gathered from your discussion with the cheater to decide on the best course of action to take. See Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide - part 1 and When to Give Cheater a Second Chance – part 2

DON’T ask the cheater if he’s cheating, because cheaters will lie. The two things – cheating and lying - go hand in hand. Don’t expect to get the truth right away. It may take several conversations to get the remaining facts.

DO ask the cheater why he did it, how it happened, how long it has been going, how he feels about what he did, and what he intends to do now. See Will He Leave You for Her?

DON’T become overly concerned with the Other Woman. Once you know the basics about her, put her out of your mind. See What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why and Suing the Mistress Can Sometimes be a Good Strategic Move

DO stay focused on your spouse or significant other, your relationship, and the plan of action you’ve decided to take. See Why Women stay with Men Who Cheat and What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?

______________________________________________
*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more practical advice on dealing with infidelity, see the articles and free tip sheets below:

What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?

Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You

Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide - part 1

When to Give Cheater a Second Chance – part 2

Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance ( free tip sheet)

If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand

What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat

What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You

5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)

3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose By Being the Last to Know

Will He Leave You for Her?