Last weekend, I had dinner with three beautiful girlfriends of mine at Prime 112 in South Beach. Now when I say beautiful, I mean really gorgeous, stop in your tracks kind of beautiful. They are also single, smart, hardworking, successful and all around kind, genuine people. As we dined, we were laughing and chatting about the succession of failed relationships between us, when one girl stated that her main problem was that she had low self esteem and low self confidence and another friend immediately agreed that she did also. I almost fell off of my chair. How could these women that seemingly have it all, have low self esteem and confidence? The only thing they are missing is a man to share their life with and that, apparently, trumps everything else.
Why is it that little girls are raised with the idea of a happily ever after future, with a perfect prince charming, only to grow up and realize that one, he does not exist and two, you will feel like a failure if you don’t find him? It is a funny thing how society views single men and women, there is never a second thought for the man that is single for many years, but a single lady for many years, oh boy. Even if she is completely awesome; many years of dating too many different men without settling down, and she must be either, too picky, a slut or unstable. Some of them try so hard to settle down, they end up making the most of mediocre or even lousy relationships, when the reality is, they are really just settling.
Today we have more than 50% of couples skipping down the aisle only to be running to divorce court later on. Even worse, more than 65% of couples who take the plunge a second time divorce as well. I wish we had a statistic on how many people are cheating on their companion or spouse, because from my little corner of the world, it looks pretty significant. A Boca Raton friend of mine recently stated ‘I don’t think I have ever been with a man that wasn’t either cheating on me or cheating with me’. Ironically, for a society that is definitely couple oriented, it seems the majority of couples are not.
So what hope is there for those little girls that grow up with the fairy tale ending as the criteria for success as a person? How many little girls grow up into amazing women and yet don’t feel great self worth because they don’t have that attachable prince charming that they feel will complete them? It makes me wonder if what we grow up thinking will complete us, will actually unravel us. For every lousy relationship there is a really awesome one that can light up your life in a minute, but until we stumble upon that, we need to recognize that being really awesome on our own, is a pretty good place to be.
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