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Divorced or Single-Again? Which are you?

"Single Again" is a term I like better than "Divorced" if you've been on your own for a while.
"Single Again" is a term I like better than "Divorced" if you've been on your own for a while.

At first glance, these two terms seem to say the same thing but actually, they are quite opposite!

To me the term “Divorced” is a term that describes the way I WAS. That is a label the judge hung on me when the legal ending of my divorce procedure was finalized. I felt “divorced” for several months after the final signatures were signed. I was “divorced” during the time I was making adjustments to my new situation. I was shell shocked and dazed during much of my “divorced” period. Not only was I divorced from my spouse but I felt divorced from life! I was stumbling and tottering on my new-found legs that I needed to strengthen so they could carry me through the rest of my life.

The term “Single Again” is more descriptive of me the way I am NOW. The “divorced” phase of my life is mostly behind me. Sure, I slip back on occasion as we all will but mostly, my legs have toned up and are helping me move forward. “Divorced” is about “then”, “Single Again” is about “now… and the future”. That’s why I prefer the term “single again” at this point in life.

I’m not ashamed of the fact that I was “Divorced” any more than I’m ashamed of the fact that I was a high school student or a Boy Scout or a volunteer at my kid’s elementary school. It’s just that none of those terms accurately describes me today. It’s one of many elements (admittedly, a huge one!) that describes a time in my past that partly shaped the person I have become.

If you’re “divorced”, my compassion goes out to you. I’ve been there. It’s a rough time of life no matter how you slice it. Take advantage of the resources available to you to move through this phase constructively. There are many church support groups and programs plus community health classes that can be invaluable to you at little or no cost.

If you’re gaining confidence in your new-found life, I challenge you to start calling yourself “Single Again” and see what a difference a couple words can make. Start looking for ways to get back into life and connect with people. I didn’t say “connect with people” as in dating, just connect with all kinds of people and enjoy sharing life. Volunteer, attend a kid's sporting event, participate, enroll, contribute, etc. etc. etc. See what new and wonderful surprises await you!

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(Note: These links are for opportunities in and around Lawrence, KS.  Similar opportunities are available in most communities.)


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