Divorce no matter how much it might be needed or expected still leaves one or both partners anchorless. Even when a divorce is the best thing because of abuse or infidelity it doesn’t stop the feeling of failure from following closely behind the sense of lost. There are always plenty of family members, friends, and even casual acquaintances quick to tell you what you did wrong or why your spouse was the wrong choice to begin with. Never mind, they never mentioned this before you married.
This actually increases the abandonment and failure sensation. Who can you talk to since everyone was quick to tell you the divorce was inevitable? Many people just bottle it up and turn to substance abuse as epitomized by Demi Moore in her recent divorce drama. Divorce is hard, but somehow you have to keep it from destroying the rest of your life. No one really accepts a diminished work performance because of relationship woes.
When you find yourself in an emotional free fall you need to grab onto something to stop your descent. Better yet, you need to discover what caused your fall, according to local marriage and family therapist, John Goll. It is easy to blame the other person, but it isn’t the answer. A relationship involves two people. Even if you have a history of picking losers, then you still have some responsibility. The important thing is discover what motivates your behavior, so you can reprogram it for successful relationships.
Ever feel like you can’t talk to your happily bonded friends about your problems? Most likely you can’t because they don’t understand, and you represent what they don’t ever want to think about. The only other people who can truly get your pain, besides licensed therapists, are people in the same situation. That’s where divorce recovery groups come in, and there are plenty. Keep in mind, some are better than others. Also dating sharks abound in divorce groups. Even though your natural tendency is to jump into a relationship to feel attractive, don’t. You’ll end up in a worse situation than the one you left.
Do you feel like your soon to be ex is taking advantage of you legally? You might want to check out Attorney Sam Hassler’s website on Indiana divorce law, which addresses many issues separating couples have.
Remember divorce is hard, but it is survivable.
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