How smart are you feeling today?

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Ever feel like your child is much smarter than you?  Duh, yeah!  Problem is: successful parenting requires you to be unequivocally, irrefutably smarter than your child.  That's not to say you can't make mistakes.  And it doesn't mean you have to know everything.  Parenting is trial-n-error, risk-taking and mistake-making.  You aren't supposed to be perfect but your child is counting on you being smarter than he is - really!

There are good reasons why you feel like your child is smarter than you, particularly when she's negotiating for something she wants or when he's fooled you into believing some far-fetched promise.  Your child's job is to maneuver around you, push boundaries and fact-check the rules.  Your job is be strong and steady - predictable and consistent.

Your child seems smarter than you because:

1. Your child has lots of time to study you.  He studies your reactions and knows when you'll be distracted.  He knows when you'll be busy - on the phone, returning emails or rushing through a last-minute errand.  He has all day to wait for what he wants while you're trying to juggle his needs and a mountain of adult obligations - like paying bills, fixing dinner or moving from point A to point B almost on time. 
2. Your child knows what pushes your buttons.  She "reads" your emotions - long before you feel your emotions being pushed.  Your child "lives" in her emotional right brain while you live in your logical left brain.  While you're trying to "talk" her into some other rational outcome, she's driving you to the threshold of frustration and exhaustion.  It is developmentally programmed in your child's DNA to "test" you.  Testing = Learning + a Sense of Self.
3. You are always playing "catch-up" to new stages in your child's development.  It's a fact of development that, as your child grows, what worked yesterday won't work tomorrow.  Redirection works for young toddlers but not for two's when they will "hold" an idea for hours.  Giving choices works for three's but not for thinking out-of-the-box four's.  And on throughout every stage to follow. 

Parents are continually learning, relearning, adapting and inventing.  In any given moment, on any given day, your child will surprise you. You will be caught off-guard - confused, overwhelmed and seemingly under-prepared.  All is well.  Parenting can't be any other way.

The good news is that you ARE smarter than your child.  You are older, more experienced, able to anticipate outcomes, capable of solving problems and resolving conflicts far better than your child, even if you don't feel smarter in the moment.  So when in doubt, remember these three "entitlement-free parent" tips and you'll do just fine:

1. Prepare for the unexpected.  Expect your child to test the rules and push your buttons.  There's nothing wrong with you, your parenting or your child when you have to set limits.  Keep your wits about you through your child's emotional maneuvering.  remember it's always easier to find the perfect rebuttal when you plan in advance rather than try to wing it in the moment.
2. Practice - Practice - Practice.  Your child is smart enough to challenge your best intentions and to verify that you mean what you say.  Once is not enough to "prove" your parenting prowess.  To quote my favorite family counselor, Rich Foss:  "discipline is like dieting" - you gotta do it day after day.
3. Do the right thing and trust.  Trust in yourself and in your child.  You won't see the results of your parenting efforts for decades to come (your parents are still wondering how they did).  There are no guarantees but you can rest assured if you do the right thing.

So consider the new parenting mantra: "I'm smarter than my child".   You'll create a positive and powerful parenting attitude.

For more information:  Read The Entitlement-Free Child and Making the Grade: A+ Parents.  Also check out this Parent Report Card from SDE.com (Staff Development for Educators).