Source: Kat Jackson, stock.xchng
We have had our own experiences with behavior problems. Maria is a sweet and affectionate girl. Unfortunately part of her affection involves biting and pulling hair. She has bitten people hard enough to draw blood and one of her aides at school had to get a tetanus shot. She has pulled handfuls of hair out of people's heads. She's disabled. She can't help it.
And yet we can help it.
Maria isn't trying to be mean. Biting and hair pulling is part of the way she explores the world. Sometimes she realizes what she is doing is wrong, but her cerebral palsy confuses the signals. When pulling hair we can tell she is trying to let go but the wrong muscles get triggered and the harder she tries to release the more tightly she grips.
Even with Maria's cognitive and communication deficits, we teach her biting and hair pulling are wrong. We have made some progress and continue to work on it.
When people meet Maria the first words out of our mouths are, "Be careful she bites and pulls hair." When people hold her, we watch vigilantly because most people don't believe us until the first incident. We intervene before something happens, stepping in as soon as she starts to reach for hair or nuzzle someone's shoulder.
Despite our efforts, incidents happen. We immediately get in and disengage her before too much damage is done. We apologize to the person because if Maria acts up, it's our responsibility.
This behavior is more than unpleasant; it's dangerous. Maria does this to animals as well as people . She has a cat who is the most patient animal in the world. Despite our caution, there have been many "we turned our back for just a second" moments where she bites the cat's tail or paws. The cat yowls for help rather than attacking, but there was one incident where she got into Maria's crib at night and there was nobody around to intervene. She was forced to bite Maria to get away from her unbreakable grip. It was our fault and Maria's fault, not the cat's.
Disability entitles us to expect a certain amount of patience and tolerance from others. It doesn't mean we can allow our kids to run rampant.
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