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Did he bail on me?

My sister died unexpectedly and my boyfriend of six months has not been there for me.
Rebecca

Dear Raina;

My sister died unexpectedly and my boyfriend of six months has not been there for me. He has been very supportive on the phone, but has never volunteered to come over, and when I’ve asked him to, he says "he'll try". Well, it's been 3 days and he still hasn't come over. The night my sister died he was busy writing a letter to a friend of his, the next day he was taking his kids out to dinner to celebrate his eldest child’s birthday, and when I spoke to him last night he couldn't come over because he had some friends over for an impromptu gathering at his house (to which I was not invited). All I want is for him to come over to hold me and let me rest my head on his shoulder. Is that too much to ask? I love him and really need his support right now, but am wondering if I should just break up with him if he can't even manage to be there for me when I really need him. (By the way, we live at opposite ends of Fort Collins.)

- Did He Bail on Me?

Dear Did He Bail on Me?:

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is difficult under any circumstances, but even more so when the loss is unexpected and the person you depend on the most bails on you. Of course, it is understandable that your boyfriend just can’t find the time to drive the 15 minutes to your house – what a self-centered jerk! As difficult as it may be for you to understand right now, you have been given a gift. Many couples are not tested in such a way, but you now know that you cannot depend on this man to be there for you when you need him. Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? It is true that some people have great difficulty dealing with tragic situations, and he may be one of them; but again, if he can’t manage to get over himself, get his butt over to your house and figure out what he can do to help you through this, he is way more in love with himself than he is with you. Definitely not long-term relationship material.

You need to turn your back on this relationship and find the support and comfort you need in friends and family. If necessary, there are also support groups and therapy available. To find low-cost therapy options in Fort Collins and surrounding areas, you can contact the Larimer Center for Mental Health at http://www.larimercenter.org/ .

Please take care of yourself and don’t let this extremely self-absorbed man drag you down any further.

Need relationship advice? Email Raina at raina_advice@comcast.net

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