Demi Lovato has been doing well since going to rehab for bulimia, anorexia, drug addiction and bipolar disorder in 2010, but still struggles with depression and sobriety, she told Cosmo for Latinas.
Lovato, 21, treats her bipolar disorder with medication and therapy, but said it isn't easy to manage the mood swings and dark thoughts.
"That's what works for me — medicating, checking in with people, being honest and being grateful for things," said Demi, who said her past idea of a good time (drinking to excess and doing drugs) has changed with maturity.
Lovato, who was addicted to alcohol, cocaine and pot, also suffered from the eating disorders anorexia and bulimia for many years. She confessed that she used to smuggle cocaine on airplanes to feed her dangerous addiction.
“I’m very, very good at manipulating people and that was something that I did in my disease," Demi told Access Hollywood. "There were times I would just continue to lie, so that everything looked OK on the outside."
Since the age of eight, Lovato has struggled with anorexia and bulimia, and at one point starved herself down to 88 pounds. She finally ended the vicious cycle of bingeing and purging after realizing she could kill herself from the disease.
"I started compulsively overeating," she said. "I would bake cookies and then eat the whole pan. I went to just starving myself, and that turned into throwing up and starving myself. I would throw up and it would just be blood. I realized if I don’t stop this, I am going to die.”
Demi said her rock-bottom moment came when she was sitting at an airport at nine o'clock in the morning with a bottle of Sprite filled with vodka. She threw up in the car that had been sent to take her to a sober living facility and realized she needed to clean up her act.
Interestingly, Lovato's mom Dianna revealed that she suffered from eating disorders and depression, and blamed herself for Demi's problems. Fortunately, the problems have brought Lovato and her family closer together.
Lovato said she wants to be a role model for other young girls suffering from similar problems. "[I want to be a] role model," she said. "I had a negative breakdown and it changed my life forever. If I hadn’t gone into treatment, I don't know if I'd be alive today."
Looking back, she's glad she went public with her problems because her experiences may be able to help others. Lovato, who's currently on her Neon Lights tour in support of her album Demi, is happy with her progress and has big dreams for her future.
"I'm very proud of how far I've come, but I definitely want to win a Grammy one day," she said. "And I dream of winning an Oscar. I want to continue to tour and build my fan base and make music that will last for decades."
Demi detailed her harrowing battles with drug addiction, anorexia and bulimia in her bestselling book, Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year.