Jealousy is a “normal” human emotion. From an evolutionary standpoint, the role of the sexually jealous male is to assure that no rival will be allowed to propagate his seed with his female partner. But when “normal” jealously turns into the green-eyed monster of delusional (also known as morbid) jealousy, domestic violence looms large in the shadows.
The progression is insidious. Questions often start out as seemingly innocent and legitimate concerns. Where are you going? How long will you be there? Who are you going with? But through time it becomes a verbal assault. Dozens of emails, text messages, and voice mails are caustic and demanding. Where have you been? What took you so long? Where were you when I called? Why didn’t you answer? An honest delay because of a simple traffic jam may result in a virtual inquisition -- an onslaught of suspicion, hateful accusations, and even physical violence. You’re having sex with someone else! Who are you sleeping with? Logic cannot be used to explain reality to an illogical person.
Healthy people become jealous only in response to firm evidence, are prepared to modify their beliefs and reactions as new information becomes available…in contrast, morbidly jealous individuals interpret conclusive evidence of infidelity from irrelevant occurrences, refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information… (Vauhkonen, 1968). “Aspects of Morbid Jealousy” Michael Kingham & Harvey Gordon, Royal College of Psychiatrists
Delusional jealousy is a form of abuse. The master manipulator may be so skilled at twisting the truth that they are often able to convince the target that the abuser is the one being victimized. Isolation is the beginning of abuse. With enough criticism and time, the abuser plants the seeds of self-doubt within the victim and wears them down. The victim becomes self-defeatist and often finds that a plausible falsehood is more useful than an unworkable truth. An honest person learns to lie when the truth becomes a punishable offense.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
Kelly A. Truman, author of "A Beautiful Mess: Confessions from the Second Closet"
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