For those women like myself who can't bring ourselves to be cruel enough to put a man down to his face, and for those women who hate to see any man, regardless of how busted and disgusted he is walk away with his head bowed in shame, there are ways to politely decline an offer if not interested.
I have come a long way since my days of purposefully giving out bad phone numbers to men who didn't interest me. I've also come a long way since preparing a false name for the evening and practicing saying it with a straight face, so even if the guy did try to call but couldn't get through on a phone call, he couldn't Facebook or Myspace me. I've come to realize how far three simple words can go (and variations of them) no thank you. These words need not be said verbatim, but remember, its not what you say, its how you say it. There are ways to decline an offer to dance, go out to eat, go to a movie, and simply to "kick-it" without having to be rude, and without having to use the excuse our grandmothers used of staying in to wash your hair.
In this day and time, women have so much going on. We have to raise kids, go to school, go work, plan business ventures, and conquer the world! We don't have excess time to waste on anything or anyone who is not going to take us to that next level in any aspect of life. Sometimes a simple statement about how busy you are and how much you have to do goes a long way in rejecting someone who doesn't hold your interest. When a man realizes that you are a woman on the rise, he will be cautious about how you spend your time. If he sees certain values in you regarding your expectations of others, he will be more willing to step to the plate. Once there is a will there is a way to either accept an offer to get to know that person better or politely decline.
Picture this scenario: You are in a social setting such as an a classy bar, night club or party. You are with a few friends and a guy walks up to you and asks you to dance. You say, "Oh I can't, I need to finish my drink" He says, "I'll buy you another drink, don't worry about it." You say, "Oh, but my friends wont be able to find me." He says, "Don't worry we won't go too far from here." Now in your mind you are really thinking, how else can I get rid of this guy, I'm not interested? In his mind he is thinking about what may happen after you leave together, an after party, breakfast and initially taking you home. Do you really want to entertain the company of a guy who doesn't interest you? Within ten seconds of talking to a person, most of us know if we would like to continue talking to that person, or move on to the next person. Do we want to spend our last few chips playing this game, or move on to the next? We've all been in situations where we saw an absolutely gorgeous person on the other side of the room, and as they approached us to dance or to talk, we were grotesquely turned off by them. Sometimes our eyes plays tricks on us and beauty can become ugly really fast if what we think someone should be like and what they actually are like are two completely different things.
Saying no thank you is acceptable in social situations, and its easier in the long run, though it may be tough to do now. Rejecting someone over email isn't acceptable, neither is it over Twitter or any other social networking website. However, a polite no thank you is always appropriate. What would hurt the other party more is dragging them along on a string and playing with their emotions, knowing that your intent is not to be with them. Dancing with someone does not in any way predict marriage or compatibility, but sparks fly and sexual tension soars when dancing, and some people may get the wrong idea. If someone doesn't interest me in the least, I'd choose not to dance with them. That way, there is no expectation after the song to continue to talk, and there are no hurt feelings at the end of the night when I don't exchange phone numbers with them. Men and women who have less confrontational personalities sometimes have to take measures that others who could care less about the feelings of others take. Some girls do outstanding at just walking away from a guy like he never existed. Some of us have a harder time ignoring someone and not giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, 5 seconds of talking or 5 minutes of dancing can turn into 5 months or 5 years of being with someone who you settled for because you had a hard time with rejection, decided that they weren't so bad, and got trapped in a situation that wasn't to be in the first place.
Does a band-aid hurt more when you take it off fast or peel it off slow? Yes sometimes it naturally falls off with wear and tear in time, but overall, its up to us to remove it so we can apply a newer and cleaner one, in order to prevent more pain and contamination. Sometimes when we wait for it to fall off with time, it becomes dark, dirty and useless. Each of us has an ego. We've been in situations where it felt uncomfortable to openly reject someone, but with the perfect tone of voice, a kind smile and sincere heart, the person being rejected will appreciate and respect you for being honest. A little politeness and a simple no thank you, no thanks, thats OK, its alright, thats sweet but I have a boyfriend, I'm waiting on my friend, or any variation of I'm not interested upfront, can go a long way, because well, some people can't take a hint. Then if all else fails, its acceptable to unleash the less polite No! Get lost jerk.
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