As I talk to my friends who are trying hard to work off pounds and work out regularly in the new year, there’s a mindset that I noticed that happens when you are trying to change our lifestyle in radical ways.
We calorie count to the point that math becomes a dirty four letter word and exercise is a bear all it’s own. However, we seem to justify in our minds a behavior that if we’ve “been good” all day/week, that we can have an extra piece of something after dinner. We can find ways to guilt-free out of why we do or don’t do something. In reality, we continue to lie to ourselves to the point that no behavior has changed and we’re stuck feeling hopeless.
In our marriage this same mindset is dominate throughout couples. We guilt-free ourselves out of the hurtful words we say to our spouse, the ‘harmless’ flirting/conversations we have with someone other then our spouse which leads to building walls because of lack in communication just so we can sleep at night. We never realize just how much we are torturing our spouse and our marriage with our behavior until one day, you wake up and don’t recognize them. You don’t feel the love you once did because your behavior turned you into a “Spouse Potato”. You got lazy or too busy to think about the needs of our spouse and then dead weight starts to build and become as unhealthy of a lifestyles to our hearts as bad food is it is to our bodies.
There’s the 2 things that come to mind of how to change this mindset and change your marriage for the new year.
1. Stop making excuses: Justifying why we do or say the things we do in our marriage, only belittles our spouse. (If you are the husband, I encourage you to set the tone at home by making up for what you have done.) The longer you treat them in this negative way, will only push them further away. Forgive yourself for your old patterns and then change them by doing the opposite.
2. Get back to the basic: Much like in working out/eating right, in your marriage, getting back to the basics of sharing experiences together, like you did in the beginning of your relationship, will greatly impact the love you and your spouse have for one another. Date nights, laughing together, setting boundaries and having an identiy outside of “husband” or “wife” will be one of the healthiest steps to a better marriage that you could ever take.