Death be not proud: Talking to kids about suicide

(AP Photo/Stephen Morton)

Death be not proud, particularly when it’s self inflicted.
How do you explain suicide to a child of any age? Adults don’t always understand the decision to take one’s own life, how can a child be expected to accept such a tragedy?

As a child, I couldn’t understand why my friend grew so weary and unhappy that he found no other option but to shoot himself in the head. Now, as an adult, I don’t have a better understanding of why a new found friend was in such despair he felt life was no longer worth living.

No matter how you try to explain it, it never makes much sense. Depending on your child’s age, you may choose not to give details just that the death was unexpected.

Only you can determine what age is appropriate to share details. However, keep in mind that you can tell the truth without divulging gory details. Use language that still protects your child while allowing honesty to be conveyed freely. It’s better hearing about the loved ones passing from someone who will take care in delivering the news rather than someone speaking ill of the death (Mesh, 2007).

Encourage living life abundantly. Express to your children that the purpose of life is to live it. Explain that they can survive the hardships and come out triumphant, not merely to surviving life but thriving.

If you throw in the towel, you never know what misery may befall you on “the other side.” If you don’t believe there is another side, nothingness isn’t anything to aspire to reach either so why rush to get there?

Don’t be afraid to mention suicide to your children. A 2005 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association shows that mentioning it as an unfortunate occurrence some people chose as a way out of difficult circumstances, does not make it more likely for your child to decide to take the same path (aahealth.org).

Tell them we all experience hurt, unhappiness and depressive states, but along with those miserable feelings life brings joy, happiness and elation. Those feelings of goodness cannot be disregarded or forgotten, but there are some people who seem to be down more days than up. Those that feel extreme sadness for extended periods of time may suffer from mental illness (nmha.org).

Part of explaining suicide means explaining the likely presence of mental illness. With adequate counseling and medication those suffering from mental illness can become functional and non suicidal. Mental illness can be textbook to the medical professionals and unpredictable to family and friends. If you suspect someone is suffering and needs help, reach out with strong arms and an even stronger heart to assist them so that they may live to talk about surviving the hardships in life rather than leaving you behind to explain why they decided to end theirs.

RIP "Man"

RIP "MM"