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Dear Sybersue; I met a guy online 1 Year Ago but we still haven’t met in person

I want to address this issue that many women have problems with when it comes to online dating. How long do you wait until you meet someone in person? Is there a set time limit after a few emails,texts or phone calls? There are a few variables to this answer depending on where they live, your careers or family responsibilities, but for the most part meeting them in person should be as quickly as possible.

Why waste months talking to someone who you may not physically connect with on all levels. Looking into someone's eyes can tell you so much about that person and body language is a dead give away in all aspects ~ good or bad! Are they really "Just not that into you" and stringing you along waiting for a rainy day way down the road or never? Don't be too accommodating or the last to know they are just too busy with other priorities and are having a little online fun at your expense.

Here is a email I received on my website from a lady regarding a similar discussion:

Dear Sybersue,

I just watched your video: Dating Advice for Men & Women: If They're too Busy They are Just not That Into You!

I met this guy on the POF (Plenty of Fish) online dating site one year ago. We talk on the phone and “Cam text” daily. He is a graphic designer and always too busy to meet! We still haven’t met. I did check him out on Spokeo and other searches to see if there was anything major that I should know. It all seemed OK. He said he loves me although we haven’t met in person? Help!


Hi I.M :)
I am glad you watched this video and the fact that you did shows me you already know the answer to this scenario. You have a cyber relationship! If this man is too busy to see you, he is too busy to date and shouldn't be out there leading you on. You didn't tell me where you both live or other information, but in any situation a year is way over the top! He is either hiding something from you or is just having fun with you a few times a day. I am not saying his feelings aren't “somewhat” legitimate, but you may want to ask yourself why this is enough for you?

It is very easy for someone to hide behind a computer screen and say all the right things, but you as the recipient have to know when to read behind the lines very early on. We know in our hearts if it's real or not but sometimes we choose to let certain things slide because we are lonely or blinded by the initial charm.

We are all worthy of a loving reciprocated relationship, don't ever settle. You should have a rule that you meet your potential dates in the first few weeks of contact to see if there is a "real" connection. There are a lot of great actors out there that know how to “talk the talk!” Be smarter than them. Thanks for writing <3

Follow up answer from I.M.

Dear Sybersue,

Thanks for getting back to me regarding my issue. The bottom line is, I just want to be treated as a lady like we all deserve. My ex husband was mentally and verbal abusive, so I guess I just really want to be held and feel safe. I’m a romantic at heart. I have been divorced for 30 years, and haven’t dated much. He has never been married at the age of 51 and neither have his brothers. (I find this a little weird.) Am I wasting my time and why can't I seem to figure this out for myself?
Thank you, hugs I.M.

Hi again,

I think he sees that you are vulnerable because of what you have been through in the past and that is why this works for him. Some men look for that type of woman because she is less high maintenance and won't ask so many questions. You want to be "held" but this man is not giving you that and hasn't in a year. I don't believe in ultimatums but in this case, this guy needs to step up and meet you in person or move on. The fact that he has never married (or his brothers) could have something to do with how they were raised. They may have abandonment or commitment issues but that is not your problem to fix.

The question I have for you which you may not like..."Are you really afraid of the truth that he may not be invested in this relationship and you don't want to pressure him for fear that he will stop contact with you? This is better than nothing in your mind?" When you settle for something other than what you really want you shortchange yourself, and your happiness takes a back seat. When you remove yourself from negative patterns and hold onto your self respect you will meet someone who can love you the right way. The hardest step is the first one and then the others come easier.

It's time for you to go for what really matters to you and to stop allowing yourself to be a low priority. Love happens at any age so don't let that stop you from believing in it. If this guy won't see you in the next few weeks you will have your answer. xo Sybersue

Susan McCord ~

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