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Dear Paulie: Advice for bands with problems....how to leave

Dear Paulie,

     I have been the singer in my band for the past year and a half.  When it was going well it was a great time.  Songs were coming easy, we were playing out, and, best of all, we were having a good time together.  Recently, however, things have been a little dicey.  I haven't really been getting along with my rhythm guitarist (fights about everything from song structure to sports) and I have been playing (secretly) with a new band.  I like the songs were write in the old band, but the new band is writing music that's a bit more challenging and inspiring.  The thing is, I don't really want to leave what I have for this new band when I don't know if its going to last (I don't have the type of friendship with these new guys I do with my other band and I don't know if the guys have the same visions and aspirations as I do).  Needless to say, I'm torn.   Help.

- Singer Searching

Dear Singer,

     I think first and foremost you need to be honest with your first band.  You need to air out your frustrations, anger, and your need to be challenged musically.  For all you know the other members of your band could be feeling the same way, but you'll never know until you talk it out.  I would also recommend letting your first band know about your secret band.  This is something that can only cause problems down the road if it is not you that brings it to light.  People will be hurt and angry and you may lose the band because of it.

     Secondly, you need to find out what you really want.  Do you want comfort or do you want a challenge?  Maybe you want both.  I know many friends who play in multiple bands and it works out well.  As a singer it may be a bit tougher as your voice can only take so much abuse, but if you can manage maybe you can get the best of both worlds.  Maybe you can get comfort and a challenge from just one of the bands.  Again, I think you need to be open and honest with all members of the bands before you can really answer some of these questions.  Once you talk it out I think many of the answers you are looking for will become clear, but I think for now, baring you tell your first band about your secret band, you can play in both and figure it out down the line.

     Best of luck.

     - Paul Oneto, Local Music Examiner


Comments

  • JohnPaul G. Ringo 4 years ago

    Dear Paul, I've bee having this really strange dream. It occurs over and over again. I try to leave a house I'm in, which reminds me of my brother-in-law's condominium, but someone keeps on moving the door, and I can't get out. The I look out the window, and it doesn't see me. The only thing I see is a band playing in the yard with different colored shiny uniforms with tricorn hats. One of the guys has sergeant stripes on, playing a left-handed bass that looks like a violin. What does it mean?

    JohnPaul G. Ringo

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