Skip to main content

Dealing with adversity when you're all alone

Two Mourning Doves
Two Mourning Doves
Liz Noffsinger

People have various reasons for coupling, but a big one is the concept of having a partner at one’s side to help deal with adversity when times get tough. Certain folks choose to go through life all alone, but most of us want someone there for us, to tell us and show us how valuable we are to someone else when we may feel worthless; as Bill Withers may say, someone to lean on. In a long distance relationship, it is imperative that both partners keep alert for times when one needs an extra bit of love or attention, because it’s so much more difficult to deal with life when a loved one is so far away.

Communication, of course, is key to any relationship, but in a long distance scenario, it’s so easy to miss a sign that your partner is giving you. And when your partner is going through a rough patch, he may or may not let you know directly that he’s struggling. It would be great if he always told you straight up that he needs some extra TLC in an e-mail or that he needs 15 more minutes of phone time today, but sometimes he may not be able to find the words to let you know. This is when paying close attention and being well attuned to your partner’s disposition comes in. Are his remarks in your phone chats short and clipped? Does he sound less upbeat than normal? Very important also is recognizing any recent situation that your loved one has been involved in that may have had an adverse effect on him. Did he get chewed out at work by his boss? Did his mother say something that upset him? Did his best friend borrow money and is now avoiding him?


Some situations may seem easy to overcome from where you stand, but if your partner is suffering, then he needs comfort, not judgment. I had a bad reaction this week to losing a contest that meant nothing at first glance but had a lot of meaning to me. My fiancée spent a lot of time consoling me on the phone the night of the contest and the next day. She also e-mailed articles that chronicled how others dealt with losing, and sent loving cell phone texts. She could have brushed me off and told me that I need to get over it, but if she were the type who treated me that way, she wouldn’t be my fiancée. She realized that I needed her at this time of difficulty, and as always, she was there for me.


Whether it’s picking up clues or your partner telling you that he’s feeling down in the dumps, you have to make sure that he can feel your empathy for him. Write a passionate e-mail telling him how much you care. Spend that extra time on the phone letting him know it’s gonna be alright. Send him a cell phone pic of yourself with a special message and a big smile, or maybe wearing some special clothing or lingerie. We all need a pick-me-up every now and then. Don’t let the miles of separation stop you from picking your guy or girl up and showing him or her the love.

Comments

  • Dwayne 4 years ago

    Damn nephew! That was so on point. Makes me even happier knowing you're engaged to Ms. Right