Dear Annie, I’m fed up with most of the women I meet online. Most have so much baggage that I can’t wait for our first date to end.
A first date often feels like an oral exam. I’m expected to recite my relationship history, resume and assure her of all of my future intentions.
I try to lighten the tone by asking her about her day. It seems like a polite, non-intrusive social question. But, many women reply as if I’m a therapist and begin unloading all their troubles.
I’ve heard more stories from women about nightmare breakups, betrayals and once-good relationships gone sour than I can count. Not only that, they bring up even more depressing topics. One woman told me, in detail, about the disfiguring effects of her friend’s cancer.
Some have even confessed how their ADD, depression or other mental disorders have impacted their lives.
Yet another expounded on her preferences of method of burial: deciding whether she wanted to be buried or cremated.
I’m polite and behave in an understanding manner. However, there is nothing remotely romantic about these topics. I definitely won’t be asking any of those women for a second date.
Where can I find attractive, intelligent women in the Bay Area who want to get to know a man before revealing everything about their lives? I’m anxious to meet the right one so that I can end this distasteful ritual called dating. Ryan
Dear Ryan, Those kind of discussions aren't appropriate for a first date. Your best bet is to attempt to change the subject. For example say, “This sounds interesting, but let’s talk about it when we know each other better.” Redirect the conversation by asking an open-ended question, such as “What inspired you to move to the Bay Area?”
You won’t lose much if she doesn’t appreciate the opportunity to move to another subject.
Asking about your date’s day is a common way to look for conversational topics when you are getting to know each other. Rather than discuss whatever is most pressing, talk about things that are positive and fun.
If you leave the personal, heavy stuff for later dates, you’ll increase your chances for romance and intimacy. After all, there is no point to fully revealing yourself to someone who you may never see again.
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