Dating: When "Different" becomes "Disturbing"

Being in the “dating world” isn’t easy for men or women. We all try to make connections with people we feel a connection may be made with…and then we hope for the best as we get to know them. When meeting someone new, sometimes they will have “quirks” or unique hobbies…which at the onset you think of as “cute” or just “different”.   You tell yourself to have an open mind and that 2 people don’t need to have 100% in common in order to be a good match.   But what do you do when “different” becomes “disturbing”? And how do you know when their “unique” way of thinking is actually going to cause a lot of problems as you continue seeing them?

Individual uniqueness is what makes dating so interesting. You can meet someone who teaches you about their passion and they can learn about your favorite hobby. Most people find that having some things in common is important…but that having different interests can keep things exciting….And you never know, you may just end up learning that you love snorkeling….and they may find that antiquing is fun. But what happens when “different” becomes “disturbing” and how do you even know if it’s leading there? Are there red flags?

Here’s the element to keep in mind: While it’s great if someone is passionate about something…it can become very disturbing if:

• It is all they ever speak about…we’re talking about speaking of their passion at dinner, while relaxing, while talking to you on the phone, interrupting you to talk about it, etc.
• When you don’t mind their hobby or passion, but are not interested in it yourself….you’ve made that clear, and you’re put down for your own thoughts, made fun of, etc.
• If their interest gets in the way of spending a mutually enjoyable time together. For example, if every single weekend is spent at the race track and you’ve already said that you don’t have an interest in it…but they refuse to do anything else
• If they allow their hobby/interest/ passion to take over their life. In other words, if their life revolves around it....and it is not just a small part of their life…of who they are.
• If they are demeaning/ talk down to/ make fun of people (or you) who does not agree with them or does not enjoy what they enjoy doing

Life is way too short to spend your time dating someone who holds a hobby or interest above a connection with another person for the goal of a long term relationship or marriage. Life is too short for you to spend your weekends doing something that you do not enjoy…just to “make them happy”. What good will it do to make them happy….if you are not?!?

While it’s normal for couples to have different interests and even spend some time apart to each pursue those interests...you in no way, shape or form should continue dating someone if you know that they are obsessed or a fanatic about something that you don’t wish to have in your life…especially if they don’t respect your differences. They won’t change….but you can make a change by saying goodbye and waiting to find someone more suitable.