Dear Deborrah:
I am a 22 year old guy here in San Francisco, and in a long distance relationship with a 21 year old girl living in Los Angeles. I ask her to tell me how she is feeling about our relationship, and she always says everything is fine for the most part.
Well last night in our conversation she told me that she is not happy and that she doesn't feel like being with anyone right now, and that she just wants us to be friends.
The only problem we have is that we are always arguing over stupid stuff. The simple things get her angry, so she gets hostile at me, then I retaliate. That's where it all starts.
I am willing to work on making things better, but she is saying it is too late. She said to me "I am not breaking up with you, but I don't want a boyfriend right now. I just want us to be friends." Then she went deeper and said that she made a mistake when she got into a long distance relationship.
I love her very much and even though she said I am not feeling her, that is exactly how I feel. Maybe I am being selfish or something, but I really love her. I love her to the extent that I am saving to buy an engagement ring to surprise her on our vacation we were supposed to take this summer for her birthday.
Tomorrow would be our one year anniversary, and I was planning to do something this coming weekend. But she made it clear that she doesn't really care whether we do anything or not.
Signed,
Broken Hearted
Dear Broken Hearted:
That is the bad thing about long-distance relationships -- you just aren't TOGETHER.
People report feeling lonely, sad, horny, depressed, and a host of other things that aren't good to feel when you are supposed in a happy, satisfying relationship. What you have to accept young man is that this long-distance relationship is not meeting her needs. She is honest enough to tell you honey, and out of respect for that honesty you need to accept her decision.
No matter how much it may hurt, no matter how much you don't want it to be true, she has the right to make a decision she feels is best for her. Bottom line, you are 600 miles away most of the time which means you aren't there. And you cannot be there for her in the way she needs her man to be.
It is better for her to be single and hang out with her friends for companionship than sit at homoe alone trying to be true to you. She is telling you that she is tired of doing that. I appreciate the fact that she is breaking it off with you and treating you with respect rather than cheat on and run around on you. Instead she chose to be honest and let you know that she can't do it anymore and needs something more than this relationship can provide.
Continue to save your money because it's always a good idea for a young man to have an emergency fund or money invested that is working for his future. But I don't think you should continue planning to buy an engagement ring for a young woman that wants to break up with you. That opportunity to propose marriage is not going to happen.
When women make statements like this about being finished with a relationship, they are really finished. Women don't just jump up one day and decide they are through... women normally ease away from men little by litle, one emotional tie cut after another over a period of time. Ot you it seems sudden, but for her this breakup has been a long time coming as she was working through her feelings.
Bottom line, you two have just gone through a break up and this relationship is over. It's time to move on. My suggestion is that you date an available single gal right here in the Bay Area... someone you can get to by BART or within an hour's drive at most. That way you can see her more often, you two can spend weekends together, and the relationship will have the benefit of time and regular attention so it can blossom into something beautiful.
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