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Dating tips: jealousy and a big mouth ruined his budding relationship

Out of control jealous reaction ruins changes for a relationship to get off the ground.
Out of control jealous reaction ruins changes for a relationship to get off the ground.
PhotoXpress.Com/Deborrah Cooper

Dear Deborrah
I met this wonderful girl a couple months ago. We've been talking and expressed interest in each other. She texts me constantly everyday. Well, she went away for a week and while she was away, a guy I don't know asked me to back off because he was interested in her. When I accused her of seeing him and keeping it from me, she got all upset and said I hurt her by not believing her when she said she was not interested in him.

It's been a week now since the argument. She told me that she was not throwing me away, but needed time because I hurt her by assuming she was interested in this other guy. How much time should I give her? What should I do? I'm physically ill over all of this, vomiting, not sleeping, etc.

She has not said a word to me in a week. I texted her because I learned through mutual friends that she had strep throat. I told her if she needed anything to just ask me. All I got was a reply saying "thank you."

I texted her today wishing her a Happy St. Patricks Day, and all I got was one reply saying "thank you, Happy St. Patty's Day to you too." What should I do?

Feeling Stupid

Dear Feels Looks and Is Stupid:
I have a lot of mixed feelings about your behavior young man. I think the thing that bothers me the most about this situation is that you've done something that a lot of silly people do - jump to conclusions then act upon those erroneous conclusions, making accusations and pointing fingers of blame. All this when they have no real facts, and haven't communicated with the person they are blaming to even attempt to get any facts. In your case I find your behavior utterly amazing because you've been talking to and interacting with this young lady for months, yet you would think that SHE was lying and that a complete stranger, jealous of your relationship with her, was telling you the Gospel truth.


See, this entire matter could have been avoided had you acted like a mature ADULT and shared with her what happened. You could have put your big boy pants on and said "I have no intention of backing off because you and me - it's like tea and crumpets baby, coffee and donuts, cake and ice cream. We go together. Whoa, unless you want me to that is, because I respect you and just want you to be happy. What do YOU want?"

Such an approach would have accomplished three things:

  1. Let her know definitively that your interest in her was more than being just friends, and that you saw and felt something happening between the two of you;
  2. That you respect and admire her as a person and truly want her to be happy ... that her happiness is imortant to you; and
  3. That you are an open and honest communicator that tells your woman what is on your mind and in your heart.

Once you laid that out, she would have the chance to blush with pleasure and then tell you that she was not interested in him, she was interested in YOU. The answer you were seeking would have been given to you, and you would have made a huge and very positive impression on her with how you handled the situation.

But you didn't do that; instead, you acted a complete fool - the original fool, the one whose picture is on Wikipedia under "FOOL!" And now she doesn't want to be bothered with you. You exposed yourself to be an out of control, illogical, jealous and insecure little boy.

When an allegedly grown man acts up about something so trivial, smart women know that is just the tip of the iceberg. And they run from you like Forrest Gump!

In this case what you need to do is apologize BY PHONE (not by text), then let it go. If she doesn't answer, leave her a voicemail. No matter what, this issue is much too important to text about.

She is extremely disappointed in you young man and how you were so quick to accuse her of wrongdoing. You basically called her a lying, cheating heffa that was intentionally out to deceive and harm you. She is upset because she thought you trusted and believed that something really good was happening between the two of you.

She is angry at the other guy for interfering in her budding relationship and ruining her chances with you, and angry at you for letting him do it. At this point it seems that she is through with BOTH of you. He is a jealous stalking fool and you are a jealous insecure fool. No woman with good sense would want to talk to or date either one of you!

In the future if you hear rumors about a woman or some guy tells you something about the woman you're dealing with, get the facts before you believe him. Lots of guys are nothing but jealous haters and will say and do things to get you out of the picture just so they can have a shot at the woman they want ... the woman that wants and loves you.


The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid is advice columnist Deborrah Cooper's latest release. Women can learn how to fine tune your dating strategy and stop dating the wrong men! Men that seek to improve their relationships with women can read it and learn what NOT to do. This book contains the tools every single woman tired of short-term relationships with losers needs to know. Change what you seek in a partner and how you look for it, quickly eliminating those will do nothing but waste your time in yet another dead-end relationship. Available in many downloadable Ebook formats as well as in print.


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