Friends with benefits relationships are b.s.
Gullible women have been sold a bill of goods by smooth talking, opportunistic booty hounds and players when it comes to friends with benefits relationships.
You women want to believe it means he finds you attractive but isn't ready for a girlfriend because his heart was broken, he got cheated on, he doesn't trust women, he has too much going on to commit, blah blah blah. In reality, he is telling you to your face that you are good enough to screw, but not good enough to invest feelings in.
Why aren't more women offended when approached in this manner? A man that barely knows you, yet approaches you so crassly is a disrespectful chump. He is letting you know up front that he is a butthole out to get what he can from you sexually, but at least he is being honest and warning you not to get attached because he is not looking for a relationship.
Some women don't understand that an FWB has no obligations or ties to you, so he is free to come in and out of your life, and jump in and out of your bed, while doing the same thing with other women IF he so chooses. An FWB cannot cheat. An FWB can go back to his ex-girlfriend or get a new girlfriend at any time and crack your face. An FWB can sleep with your best friend, your Aunt, your neighbor and your sister, and you can't get upset. You can see an FWB out with another woman and his tongue down her throat, and you can't say a word about it.
Being someone's FWB partner basically means that you are a provider of free sex services for a man that is flatly telling you that he will not commit to you because he doesn't like you "like that." Why would you do that to yourself?
And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy. But hear this ladies - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other guys for friends… he just wants you around for sex.
The romantic type of female with stars in her eyes will hang onto this shred of a relationship and wonder what the thing is that she should do or say to get this man to want only her. Shockingly, most women involved in friends with benefits relationships will be faithful to this guy. Not wanting to be perceived as 'ho or a slut, you sleep with just this one fella. And that is how he likes it, exclusive access to your bed and body without competition and without commitment. He does just enough to keep you tied to him while he roams free with the right to do whatever he wants with his other "friends." Most of you ladies that fall for this game will even turn down dates with other eligible bachelors in the hopes that your FWB calls.
Guys look for a friends with benefits arrangement so they always have a piece of tail to fall back on during those dry spells when they have no girlfriend. But as soon as he finds someone that he really likes, you'll never see or hear from him again.
Someone always catches feelings
Friends with benefits is a losing proposition for the woman looking for a loving commitment. Sex chemically binds a woman to a man with the release of a hormone called Oxytocin. Inevitably, a friends with benefits situation becomes confusing and hurtful when feelings develop.
A reader of this column wrote to ask: "Do friends with benefits always stay friends with benefits? That pretty much means that the guy finds the girl attractive too right? Do you think that the guy would ever want to be more? We're friends with benefits, but I'm kinda falling for him now and have no idea how he feels about that. I had told him before we got close that Ii didn't want a boyfriend, but I've changed my mind. Please help."
The bottom line here: if he just wanted friends with benefits and told you that from day one, it is extremely doubtful that the relationship would ever develop into more. Think about it… why would he want a serious relationship when he is already getting what he wants from you without being tied down?
Don't be afraid to communicate your needs clearly
If he's single and calls you frequently and chooses to spend a lot of time with you of his own volition, he's more susceptible to being open for love than if he's juggling three or four women at once.
If you were the one that initiated the "I just want to be friends with benefits, nothing more" conversation, then chances that he would be open to developing a serious relationship are actually pretty good. He may have wanted to date you and be in a relationship when you met, but since you told him you didn't want a boyfriend, he went with the next best thing.
If he got into the relationship wanting just an FWB, you should work under the strong presumption that that's all he wants. In other words, if he was the one that approached you with the FWB proposition and said he didn't want a girlfriend or to be tied down to anyone, chances are poor that anything more will come about.
Whatever you do, don't try to manipulate your way into his heart with games or by not taking proper precautions for birth control. Sure, accidents happen, but I'm not talking about an accident… I'm talking about allowing yourself to get caught up in a romantic dream where you become irresponsible about using proper protection.
If you have developed feelings for your FWB, have the courage to tell him. Sit down and straightforwardly express to the man that your feelings have changed and you want something more. Sometimes you will find that he feels the same way and was afraid to say something to you. However, you must prepare yourself for the possibility that you will instead hear that he has not changed his mind and still nothing more than a casual relationship with you. Are you prepared to cut ties with the FWB to move forward and find true love?
Your FWB may give you the option to continue seeing him on the same level, now that you know you will not get a commitment or a relationship from him. He may also tell you that if you are ready for something more he's okay with that and you going your separate ways with no hard feelings. Whatever you do, believe the answer you hear; make your decision accordingly and in your own best emotional and psychological interest.
Just remember, if you tell him that you want love and a commitment, yet you remain in an unsatisfying, uncommitted sex-based relationship, you need to shut up and not complain about it to anyone. Ever.
Whether out of horniness, loneliness or desperation, if you make the decision to involve yourself in a friends with benefits situation, remember that it was your choice. Any repercussions due to that choice are your sole responsibility. Any suffering or heartbreak you endure because of that choice is your own doing. Honor your body and your true emotional needs by giving careful consideration to the benefits and risks of a friends with benefits dating relationship.
Don't ever be afraid to say "no thanks…I deserve better."