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Dating & Relationship Advice ~ Dating Selfish Lovers!

I am dating a selfish lover!
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Whenever I talk to men & women about sex the biggest complaint is selfishness or boredom. Women say many men only concern themselves with their own satisfaction and men complain that women don’t initiate or do not seem overly interested in anything other than the basic vanilla sex.

Regardless of gender, both people should be aware that if you are complacent in the bedroom your partner will lose interest in you and probably seek comfort elsewhere. The same thing is to be said for a person who lets their partner walk all over them, their efforts will be minimal because there is no respect and they don’t have to work that hard to be a good lover. (Let’s face it; we have all taken advantage of someone with less strength than us, at least a few times in our lives.)

Some people are selfish lovers because they don’t want to get involved on a permanent basis and they use this is as their protection. Unemotional connections are easier to walk away from than an “on and off again” booty call, or a friends with benefit scenario. But what happens when we practice this type of behavior long term? Is there still enjoyment or is the happy ending not quite as happy over time? Making love is completely different from just having sex as there is so much more involved.

Many older women are seeking out younger partners to get reciprocated sexual fulfillment. Younger men are willing to learn and eager to please while mature women are less insecure about their sexuality. They know what they want and will not settle as much as a younger inexperienced woman might and the younger guys like the challenge. Some older men may become less interested into spending a lot of time pleasing a woman and just want the sexual release or their performance time may be less the older they get. There are also some women that take too long and a man may lose his patience or staying power to keep trying to please her long term.

One night stands are saturated with selfish lovers because they just don’t care about seeing that person again for the most part. Alcohol makes the conquest easier for this to take place and a few chosen words will lure the spider into the web. Something to keep in mind though; the better lover you are, the more partners you will have in the long run because people talk and your reputation could take a beating. (Not that I am condoning, one night stands!)

So what makes a selfish lover?

  • Lack of respect toward the person they are sleeping with.
  • No attraction or very little.
  • They have been with the same person too long and are losing interest.
  • They may be angry or hurt from a past relationship.
  • Unemotional or commitment phobic.
  • They are narcissistic ~ it’s all about them!
  • They are completely oblivious as to what makes a good lover.
  • Lack of knowledge about anatomy and how it works.

A selfish lover doesn’t care how you feel for the most part. The sad part is, some people have no idea that they have acquired this title because no one has told them. Believe it or not some people are just clueless lovers due to inexperience, lack of partners or just plain ignorance from not educating themselves. Selfishness in the bedroom is happening with both men & women and both sexes are just using each other in some circumstances. Some women have become quite dominant between the sheets and put themselves first, even getting up and leaving immediately after. It is not uncommon for women to use a man for sexual enjoyment with no intention of seeing him again.

Regardless of who the selfish lover is, it is not a good role to play. It is an empty place that is void of any real emotion, human warmth or any chance at reciprocated love. Sex is an important part of any relationship but you need to continually care how your partner is feeling. Being open with each other is a huge factor in keeping those fires burning and understanding what needs addressing and what is or isn’t working. Sometimes you are the last to know when your partner decides to walk out of your relationship because you just weren’t paying attention.

Selfishness and complacency is a dangerous place to allow yourself to fall into, so be smart and stay aware of changes that will enter your partnership. Being an attentive lover will help keep the communication lines open so that you are able to discuss anything together as the years pass by.

Susan McCord @

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