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Dating dilemma: Which came first, guy called girl or girl called guy?

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Hopefully guys will agree without argument that calling women is the no-brainer answer to the question, should the guy call the girl or should the girl call the guy? However, in a world where everything seems to be chaotic from politics to dating – when I received the questions, "Who should give their number to whom first, the guy or the girl?" and "Who should call whom first? I wasn't the least bit surprised, although the first thing that came to mind was that famous life question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” – and a straight forward answer from my head and heart: The guy should always call the girl – as any gentleman would, and should.

Men and women both have no doubt heard countless versions of what is appropriate dating and what is simply outrageous that the incongruity alone no doubt causes enough conflict; with the varying conflicts with each century that are being added only muddying the waters with the multitude of layers being added with each generation; even simple questions become convoluted such as, "who should make the first move" before knowing there’s interest (although is it not the point to find out?); guys should wait three days after the first date to call the girl of their dreams (she'll likely stay the girl of his dreams if he dares wait any longer than the next day); who should initiate conversation (both); and our issue at hand, who should make the first phone call.

As much as traditional romance remains alive and well, what holds the water in this logic is quite simply not messing with what works – and since men have been the one to initiate the first phone call for generations, why change it?

Even from the earlier “I Love Lucy” days, when a brilliant comedy-romance actually shed a variety of new lights on romance, relationships and even women’s equality – the fact remains that dating was still initiated by men. Lucille Ball did a great job not just with her amazing talents and hilarious comedy but it was her and Ricky’s undeniable love for each other that touched the hearts of Americans across the globe – and the fact that they never gave up on each other or their love – even when it was periodically laced with occasional comedy mishap, wine, chocolate and song.

So with a little bit of Lucy-theory in mind, it might be better to enrich this answer by perhaps shedding some light for both sides.

Most females like to feel a man cares and to know right out of the gate is just an added bonus for both; most men like to know a woman is interested before he makes a move, and although this has created conflict on many occasion it has also slowed progress. A Venus-Mars thing should not be what separate men and women but rather what brings them together. So why not go with what works (and has for centuries): Men should give their number out, absolutely make the first move and make that initial call (even when it comes to that first kiss). Gents, the response is well worth the effort, trust me.

And not for score keeping for anyone's sake but a mention, many women have been listening and have, over recent years especially, approached more men at events and social gatherings; and more women have asked men to dance and they have initiated plenty of conversation. So gents, get a clue; the days of "I wish the girl would ask once in a while" has come and gone. And one other thing: It is also the belief of many of these women that if men want to maintain that status of being a “gentleman” without tainting their reputation – or the reputation of every guy before and after them – it would be wise to put in even the slightest of effort and “call the girl.” Even in make believe the guy goes after the girl so need I say more?

All kidding aside, by men making the effort to make the first move it shows effort and interest. A woman will generally respond positively to both – if she’s not interested she will let you immediately; quite frankly, it’s a win-win either way. It saves heartache (and date money) if she is not interested. The true reward,, however, comes in the feelings that grow with the relationship, such as when he can hear in her voice the excitement when he calls; or the smile in her “yes” answer when he asks her out. Besides, men forget that they are already halfway there if a woman gave them their phone number to begin with. And one other piece of advice, a phone call outweighs a text by far, especially on the initial contact.

These reasons are all aside from the basic reasons of respect, politeness and a sure way to venture down a path of winning the girl's heart – and the fact that it’s just the right thing to do.

So I hope this answers your question and then some. Good luck in your dating ventures, be safe and may you enjoy the exploration in the getting to know your sweetheart of old or new, and even those looking to rekindle the romance of an old flame. Just remember that a phone call and a first date work very much the same way when it comes to lighting those heart-fires, be it a first date or the fiftieth – and being that "guy called girl" did come first, go call the girl.

“Hope long deferred maketh the heart sick.” –Frank Lloyd Wright (in a letter to a client; from “A Time Line of the Guggenheim Museum, 1943-1959”)

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