Local author Stephen Hemmert was born and raised in Tulsa Oklahoma. In 1980, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in music, where he met the woman that would become his wife and the mother of his two children. Sadly, however, after sixteen years of marriage, Stephen divorced his wife and found himself in the strange yet joyful world of middle-aged dating. Stephen decided to keep memoirs of his new-found freedom and experiences and Dating and the 50 Year-Old Man was born. In the book, Stephen takes us on a deeply compelling and captivatingly honest quest for the same sweet, simple and satisfying love that eludes so many.
You can meet Stephen Hemmert on Saturday at Barnes & Noble where he will be discussing and signing his new memoir. In the meantime, take a few minutes to read an excerpt of Dating and the 50-Year-Old Man, which Stephen Hemmert has generously shared with the LA Books Examiner below. Enjoy!
When: Saturday, January 5 @ 12 pm -3 pm
Where: Barnes & Noble (Santa Clarita)
23630 Valencia Blvd., Santa Clarita
661-254-6604
Get directions
*Reprinted by special arrangement with the author, Stephen Hemmert. Additional information about Stephen and his work is available at his website.
50-Year-Old Man: True Stories of a Middle-Aged Man's Quest for Romance and Love in Today's World
Prologue
This book should be easy to write, but it isn’t, even though the incidents and events are true. Yes, there may be some embellishments to make a point or drive home a particular message, but everything on these pages happened to me. The women are real, not fabricated characters from my imagination.
Okay, so what’s the point of this book? First off, for me, it is an important sense of expression and, in a way, closure. We, as humans, have to find ways of channeling and expressing ourselves. If not, we are a stewing, angst-ridden, powder keg of pent up emotions. So, here it is. My words pouring onto the page, like water splashing from a boiling pot.
Some might wonder why I would write about the most negative and odd behaviors of male and female interactions. But then, are we not more intrigued by the odd things in life than the ordinary ones? Just look at all the cop and detective shows on TV and the incessant flow of reality (un-real) shows. No one would watch them if they featured normal people. But, if you showcase some weird, crazy little human beings, you have a hit.
After reading this book, some of you may think that I’m an excessively horny, womanizing philanderer with no soul. My history, prior to this period in my life, was one of monogamy, commitment and dedication. I’m a sensitive, romantic man who simply wants to love and be loved, just the same as everyone else. But, finding love in this day and age is not an easy task. In fact, love can be painfully hard and seemingly impossible to find.
Not to be negative or paint a bad picture of romance and love, but ask any single person how difficult it is to find someone. You would hear many horror stories similar to ones that I will share here. I also want to clarify something.I am not the tall, dark, handsome model on the cover of GQ. I am not a millionaire, in fact, not even close. I drive a nice car and my home is just an average house. I work in the food service industry as a commissioned salesman and I have credit card debt and financial challenges like everyone else. Overall, I am an average Joe in just about every way except that I am very confident about my talents and abilities and passionate about the things I love in life. I have a wacky sense of humor and my kids would be the first to tell you that the character “Austin Powers” was written about me. In fact, I love to do impressions of various characters and some of my favorites are from the Austin Powers movies. Humor and being able to laugh is critical in life. I feel that having a good sense of humor is appreciated by most women and maybe that’s part of my allure. I just love to have a good time and make people laugh.
Also, every woman I approached or flirted with I did not wind up dating. Some didn’t think I was their type and that’s Okay. Rejection is a part of everything in life and especially in the world of romance. But I also did not date every woman that approached me. That said, the women mentioned in this book are the ones that stood out and in many cases blew my mind.
A Little Background
Before launching into women and relationships, or the lack thereof, I feel like I should provide a little background that inspired me to write this book.
I was married to a woman named Jessica for sixteen years and it took another seven until our divorce was final. I had married my best friend. We had so much in common that it was hard not to be attracted to each other. On top of that, she was quite attractive. One common bond we shared was the same birthday; we were exactly ten years apart. I was a starving musician when we met and she was a college student, on the verge of dropping out of school. Neither of us had two nickels to rub together and, in retrospect, maybe that was another commonality and the impetus for us to join together and flourish in some way.
So, in October, 1984 we got married. I got a part-time job in the mailroom of an insurance company while I continued to work on my music career. Jessica, after dropping out of college, took a job at a medical supply company. A few years later, tired of starving and trying to keep a band together, I resigned my dream of being a rock star and concentrated on getting a job that actually paid a decent wage.
In 1987, I took a job with a startup company in Hollywood, thanks in a large part to my buddy, Larry, who worked with me at the insurance company. His father and another creative soul were starting a telemarketing company. Though I despised telemarketing, I would be working in the computer and human resource side of things. It paid off and the company grew from five people to over 1800 by the time I left.
Jessica and I finally had the money to live a good life and we started a family. Our first child, Brianne, was born just six months before my father died. She was the first grandchild in my family and I was blessed my father got to see and hold her before he passed away from cancer.
Four years later, Michael was born. Had he held onto the womb just two more days, he would have been a Scorpio, just like his sister, mother and I. Can you imagine four Scorpios in one house? Thank God he ended up being a Libra.
Jessica ended up working in real estate and she went back to college to get her degree. When she completed that, she went on to get her Master’s. The telemarketing company sold to a group of investors from the East Coast and I left to pursue other things. I learned to make wine and plant and grow grapes with my friend, Enrique. I played golf, spent more time with the kids and worked on my idea to start a wine and cigar bar. I have to say, that the day I left the telemarketing company was one of the most glorious times in my life. I finally knew what reedom was. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I had negotiated a nine-month, full pay and insurance from the company. I learned the joy and freedom in having money and the ability to do the things you love to do.
We started a little place on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City called Sonoma Blue. The goal was to create a wine and cigar venue where you could try and pair different
California wines with appetizers and sample great cigars from around the world. Well, the wheels fell off right after getting the building ready to open, due to a wonderful California law that read, “no establishment serving alcohol could be located within 600 feet of a church, school, playground or hospital.” We certainly didn’t have any of those nearby. So, where was the issue? It turns out that an old bank that was located only 300 feet away had been converted into a church called “In His Presence.” In an instant, the original dream of the wine bar was pronounced dead.
Stubborn as I was, I would not be defeated and I changed the focus to coffee and desserts with bistrostyled food. Though not even close to my dream or intent, the idea took off and became, for a while, a success. It was this grasping for straws idea that created the best of times and absolute worst of times for me. But, I learned that the contrast of desires can help one focus on what one truly wants and does not want. And that helped me get through it all.
My mother, Dottie, moved in with us in order to watch the kids while I worked insane seven-day-a-week hours and Jessica pursued her Master’s. Thank God for my mother. Mom had lost sense of the world when Dad passed away and it was her grandchildren that made life worthwhile for her. She was a great babysitter and influence on our kids. I’d like to think they had a great influence on her, as well.
Sonoma Blue had morphed into a performance venue, mostly due to the need to capture more business. We had entertainment almost every night of the week. One night would be stand-up comedy, another acoustic music, poetry and my favorite, Open Mic nights, which were held on Friday and Saturday. We were packed with singers, musicians, poets, puppeteers, comedians and odd balls. We were the talk of the town.
Sonoma Blue was located next to a famous dance studio called “Morrow Landis,” which had been there for nearly 50 years. From that venue, we received our biggest clientele and numerous famous persons paid us a visit. Tony Danza, Paula Abdul, Kelsey Grammar, Jon Voigt, Tim Matheson, Beck, K.D. Lang and many, many others passed through our building. Sonoma Blue was a work of passion, but it never made much money. Yet, it was home to a lot of wonderful people who drank coffee, hung out and performed there. Many of the customers are still great friends of ours today and our lives have been enriched by all of them.
But, while wonderful things were happening at Sonoma Blue, other things became intolerable. There was Al, our business neighbor, who tortured us every way he could in order to drive us out of business so that he could buy the building. A Starbucks opened across the street, severely cutting into our business. And, worst of all, my marriage was beginning to decay. The marriage issue began to surface when I hired an employee to help out at the coffee house. Jessica approved of her hiring and liked her a great deal. I had no idea, nor did they, that their rapport would turn into something much more.They fell in love.
There are things in life that you can control and there are things that seem to be destined and written in the stars, no matter what your actions or wishes are. This was one of them. In working and striving so hard for things, Jessica and I had lost each other. It was a tumultuous time and having to see the two of them together at the restaurant was very hard to handle. However, I believe that regardless of your feelings and pain at any time, God truly has a better – or at least a different – plan for your life which you may not be capable of seeing in that swirling mess of ego and emotions inside of you.
The struggle with moving on comes from the difficulty of letting go of the ego and anger, while finding a place of acceptance to see the possibility of a blessing.
Jessica and I separated and the kids took it very hard.They were in a conundrum. They liked her partner, but were sad that Dad and Mom were no longer together. Jessica moved to an apartment behind the coffee house and I remained in the house in Santa Clarita. Thankfully, I got to see the kids all the time at the coffee house and had them on the weekends. But, that too would end.
After the opening of the Starbucks across the street, the harassment by Al got even worse. He called every agency he could to get us closed down. The proverbial shoe, which had been hovering just above our heads for so long, finally dropped. The dance studio building was sold to, you guessed it, Al. Not only did we lose hundreds of next-door customers, but he closed the building for over a year. By this time, I was dead broke and borrowing money from my mother to pay the mortgage. I took a job with a large food distribution company to begin a new career in food sales while still working at the coffee house. I was getting four hours sleep a night and I was losing weight, as well as my mind. In August 2000, I closed the coffee house, said a tearful goodbye and filed bankruptcy to try and save what was left of my possessions, life and dignity.
After closing Sonoma Blue, I felt a great sense of relief and yet, sadness. Yes, I loved the place and the people I met there, but there are times where we have to follow the path of least resistance. I took a position as a Sales Associate for a large food distribution company and tried to reconstruct my shattered life. Selling food was not what I wanted to do with my life, but my former food sales rep., Joy, who was married to my brother, talked me into it. It was a whole new world for me, as I had never worked as a sales person. It paid off quite well for me though and I became a President’s Club member only a year after being hired.
Shortly after starting with the company, I met a woman who would change my life forever and, in a sense, is a huge reason this book was written.
*Reprinted by special arrangement with the author, Stephen Hemmert. Additional information about Stephen and his work is available at his website.
Read Chapter One is a special feature at Frank Mundo's LA Books Examiner where authors, from emerging to bestsellers, share an excerpt of their newest books.
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