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Dating advice: I'm being stalked by my ex-boyfriend's best friend!

Woman is worried about possibility of being stalked
Woman is worried about possibility of being stalked

Dear Deborrah:
My ex-boyfriend's best friend has contacted me and about get-togethers for the past 5 years. He found out that I was involved with my ex a couple of years ago. He is still friends with my ex. My ex is a player who I found out just uses women for sex. I don't want to ever see my ex again, so I told this friend of his that I no longer wanted to be contacted about these events. He respectfully complied.

However, after that he managed to worm his way into a group I signed up with online. Not only that, he sends me notifications about my profile, and on top of that I know that the two of them have talked about me several times since we broke up.

This guy was not nice to me either, as he was jealous of my relationship with my ex. He even accused me of being arrogant. I do not owe this man anything and am confused about his incessant need to interact with me.

What do you suppose he wants by trying to contact me like that? Is he being disrespectful or is he stalking me? Should I be creeped out and worried more than I am?

Yuck Factor

Dear Yuck:
This "friend" of your ex is merely trying to angle his way into a sexual experience with you. In other words, he wants some booty. He figures if you gave it to his gaming, player buddy without love or commitment, you should be willing to give it to him too!

I noted your observation that he was jealous of your relationship with your ex, and referred to you as "arrogant", so BAM! There's your answer right there.

When a man labels a woman as "arrogant," what he means is that he isn't able to get what he wants from her using his usual tactics, and that frustrates him. She is too strong minded and confident for him, so he strikes out with what he thinks are shaming tactics. In reality, you should have said "awww, thank you!"

This guy feels entitled to something; usually that "something" is a woman's attention and often her body as well. This guy just wants to tag you for revenge, so he would be able to go back to his player friend and say "yeah man, I got some of that too!" It's stupid, but it's a guy ego thing, and your ex's friend is attempting to give himself some sort of power.

If you were dumb, you would have been flattered by his attention and gone for it, putting yourself in the position to be dogged out by him in his "revenge" mode.

But since you were not dumb and told him to get lost, you are off the hook.

Block him in every way possible online and off, utilizing every safeguard and privacy feature you can. If you start seeing him in places where you go and it gets creepier, you may have to talk to the San Francisco Police Department about getting a protective order.


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