He looks good on the computer. She has sparkling eyes and a big smile. He’s interested in everything about her. These two singles have met on an online dating site and are scheduling their first date in real life. But are they really single? Just who is typing behind that computer screen?
Her mother is concerned. Her friends are cheering her on. She’s been frustrated and disappointed in the past with men representing themselves as single and available, while there still was a wife at home. He was worried that she wouldn't look like her photo.
What’s a single person to do in this technologically savvy era? Just how safe is your date? How do you know if they really are who they say they are?
Online dating safety is a hot button for me. So when I was given the opportunity to interview the expert-of-all-experts at Digital Hollywood in Santa Monica this week, I jumped at the chance. Now, I’m here to share my conversation with Hemu Nigam, founder of SSP Blue and the go-to guy for online safety.
If anyone would have the answers, I knew it would be Hemu Nigam. You may not recognize his name, but he’s the guy who was responsible for online safety at MySpace and for clearing Craigslist of sex traffickers. He has been called on from the United Nations to The White House and has been featured on CNN, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, to name a few.
I asked him, what are the main issues for Internet dating safety? How can we find out exactly if the man or woman behind the screen name and profile matches up in the real world, while still keeping romance in the equation?
Nigam explained that the focus and behavior for singles online is very different than offline. He suggests that all singles use the same criteria and behavior both online and in the physical world. What exactly does this mean?
Hisam explained, “Don’t change the conversation because it’s digital.” He added, “ Singles need to pause and ask themselves, would they do it or say it in the real world? If the answer is yes then proceed with caution.”
Facebook Dating
With Facebook becoming one of the largest dating sites, Nigam urges singles to take the time to individually go over your privacy settings. He says it’s the best use of 30 minutes. If you choose to delete your profile from Facebook, Nigam warns that you aren’t deleted permanently. As soon as one person sends you an email and you reply, your account automatically reappears. Try canceling your account, and you’ll have a hard time in doing so.
Should Online Dating Sites do Background Checks?
Nigam says he believes every Internet dating site should provide an option for a background check. I happen to agree with him on this. If a user wants to dig deeper, make it easy for them to do so. But, keep in mind the information you receive is only as good as in the information you have available to put in.
Follow Your Intuition and Ask These Questions
What should singles ask before meeting someone in the flesh? Again, you must follow your intuition online just like you would in the real world.
Some of the questions Nigam suggests you ask include:
• Do you have a job?
• Where do you work?
• Where did you go to college?
• When did you graduate?
• What did your parents do?
• Are they still alive?
He suggests doing a Google search to see if the job position stated in an email or on the phone is indeed a real job. The more you can talk via telephone, the quicker the information will come out. Hisam’s advice is to follow those red flags that helped you your entire life in the real world. Transfer those skills to the cyberdating world and you’ll have a better chance of dating more safely.
Have you ever done a background check on a date? If so, we'd like to hear from you.
Julie Spira is a dating expert and worldwide authority in online dating. She is a frequent guest in the media on the subjects of Internet dating safety and dating advice for singles looking for love online. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating.
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Comments
Julie - what a coup getting an interview with Hemu Nigam! Great article.
Thank you Linda. Online safety and security is something that both singles and couple need to take seriously. Appreciate your comment.
Rita Watson/ Love and Marriage Examiner
Julie, if there was Internet Oscar for offering invaluable tips for cyberdating safety, it should go to you.
Sharing information from Hemu Nigam and learning the red flags will save many women from heart ache. So often young women write me for advice -- now I am sending them your way!
Thanks and Happiness/ R
Thank you Rita for your comment. It's truly a mission of mine to help singles date safely online.
Thanks Julie for promoting online dating safety awareness with this article. Some great safety tips here!
With social networking gaining in popularity it's especially important to take the time needed to set your privacy settings. Unlike traditional online dating sites where your anonymity is protected until you're ready to share it, social networks display your real information. If you decide to meet new people via social networks you want to make sure to leave your personal information out.
We have seen an increase in the requests for our daters background checks on our own site, so as a result, we now offer them to singles on other dating sites as well.
Thank you SaferDates for adding in your tips about the social networking sites. Most people don't realize the importance of checking their privacy settings.
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