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Dating in 2010: resolve to love with your head and heart to make the best relationship choices

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Let unsatisfying relationships go for 2010

Women choose men - that is an undeniable fact. So when a woman complains that she has an unsatisfying relationship with a man that treats her poorly, I have to ask why she stays. Ladies, if this describes you, it's time to leave the drama behind in 2009.  Sit down and get clear on the man you need, then refuse to settle for less.  As we prepare to move into 2010, its time for reflection, self-examination and acceptance of your questionable choices which have contributed to unsatisfying relationships with men that don't love you back. Let's examine a few examples.

Dear Deborrah:
I've known this guy for over 10 years. He doesn't want a relationship, but always wants to come to my house.  Whenever I make suggestions to do something together, it never happens. I'm a single parent, and would rather not have him over, but I did against my better judgment.  The Brotha said it wasn't a boning session, but got upset when I called a halt to the petting. 

I do most of the calling and he rarely calls me. I get the most response from him when sex is involved in the conversation.  So, I get leery when he says, "let's take one day at a time."   I'm wasting time dreaming of a relationship with this man, right?  When I met him it was so romantic.  We worked in the same building, and oft time rode the elevator together.  He called me up one day and invited me for lunch. He introduced himself as my secret admirer. 

We had a couple of dates, but it went downhill after that.  Our conversations weren't substantial.  Now he is a born again Christian, and I thought we would have more in common, but its hard for me to trust his motives.  I have a lot going for me, but I really like him.  I can deal with honesty, just tell me that all you want is sex and my answer will be no.  Don't take away my choice by pretending we are seeing each other (his words).

My response:
This guy doesn’t need to tell you that it’s about sex, because he’s too busy SHOWING you that he looks forward to the day when you will do the horizontal Mambo. You are choosing to listen to his jive time sometimey conversation and entertaining fantasisies that maybe, just maybe, he wants you for something more substantial than sex. 

I'm wondering why you've been hanging onto this dream that was created years ago after only a couple of dates. You admit things went downhill from there and that he isn’t now and has never offered you anything you claim to want, right?

Instead of wasting time with this allegedly born again Christian (a perpetrator and a fraud if you ask me) why not focus on being the person you need to be for yourself, which will enable you to attract the guy you’re really looking for? All this fella is doing for you is clouding your vision and blocking you from finding the happiness you and your child deserve to find in a legitimate partner.  Drop him like a bad habit today and toast 2010 free and clear of this nonsense.

Dear Deborrah:
I broke up with my boyfriend the week before Christmas because he nearly pushed me down the escalator at the San Francisco Centre. Luckily I had my right hand free and was able to grab the hand railing and stop the fall.  I badly sprained my ankle and was really angry, but I can't stop thinking about him.  He called and asked for my forgiveness and says that he was really sorry and never meant to hurt me.  What should I do?  domestic violence, violence against women, abusive men, physical abuse, relationships, dating violence, violent men

Should I forgive him and carry on this relationship with him or should I leave him? He has a very complicated background and has a violent temperm but he never directed his anger on me before. This time it's an exception.

My Response:
So is he saying that pushing people down escalators is his form of side-splitting hilarity and entertainment? Is that why he says he never meant to hurt you?  Is he saying that having your head split open on the sharp metal edge of the escalator stairs would be humorous and he didn’t anticipate that it might hurt or even kill you? 

Young lady, if you stay with this maniac you would be quite a fool.  Your boyfriend there is an extremely violent man with little self-control, a grown man that makes childishly weak excuses for his negative and hurtful behavior. 

I'm shocked that you thought this was a smart choice for a partner. With your knowledge of his violent attitude and history, you knew it was only a matter of time before he directed that violence towards you!   The next time you might have both hands full and be unable to grab onto anything to prevent a fall; he would push you down, break your bones, put you in the hospital, or kill you.  Please get out now while you are in one piece.

Why you are thinking about and missing him is beyond my understanding.  I would never want to see his face or even hear his name again!  Violence against the woman you claim to love is the ultimate betrayal and the worst disrespect I can imagine.  Women teach men how to treat them by the behavior they accept; do not teach this man that your love for him is greater than your love for yourself by going back.

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leave the drama behind in 2009, make smarter relationship choices, dating tips, dating advice, relationships advice, love, single women

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  • Raz 5 years ago

    What is it about women and dyck that makes them lose all prospective? Women need to realize that contrary to what men would have them think, a woman's is a powerful aprhrodesiac! Wars have been fought over a woman's VJ. Men know it's powerful but they turn that shyt around and make a woman feel less than worthy of herself so men can get free access to the VJ. Women listen up. Your VJ is priceless!! Treat it as such, don't let anybody just come into your temple and play in your garden! A man needs to prove himnself first before he gets access to the VJ. Far too many women are giving knuckleheads VJ and they don't deserve it, then the woman whine and complain about being miserable while still putting out the VJ. 2010, Women take a stance! If a man isn't meeting your expectations NEXT him. It's not the worse thing you can do to be without that man. The worse thing you can do is to continue with that joker and be miserable! Wake up women!