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Dancing With My Life

The Voices in My Head
The Voices in My Head
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“Dancing with the Stars” starts tonight, with a new batch of celebrities and professional dancers to show them the steps to make it to the final and win the coveted Mirrored Ball. Because after a long road of learning steps we all want a reward.

I guess from the time we come into the world we are working on moving forward, taking steps, getting away from where we started, sometimes without knowing where we are going. That lack of information is what takes us on the detours that become the lessons we learn in life.

I took many detours in an effort to get away from the experiences of my childhood. A childhood that was robbed of its innocence, some by my decisions and some by adults that were too eager to feed into my curiosity.

As many young people, I experimented, adventured, and sought out anything that would erase memories. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse is all the same when you are trying to forget. They all leave a scar. Either in your spirit, mind, or body.

I have to share that as I’m writing and watching the show, the song, “The Story of My Life” by One Direction is playing. Which brought tears to my eyes. I have been contemplating writing my story in a book of lessons learned.

You can click on the lyrics to follow the link to the song. But the first lines from the song say, “Written in these walls are the stories that I can’t explain. I leave my heart open but it stays right there empty for days…and that’s how I felt growing up.

I thought I was leaving messages and codes for my parents to figure out what was going on with me but it seems that every time they asked me what was going on I would lie and deflect. Anything to avoid the truth. The same truth that would eat me up and lead me to hurt myself.

Although I live a life of Recovery, free of alcohol, drugs, and smoking. The voices that were created during those days, come back sometimes and break open my heart and eat out of it. Leaving behind sadness and fear.

Now this is a page for Spiritual Growth so let’s end this on a positive note. Because I recognize that these are only ghost and not a reality. They are only a feeling and feelings come and go. But I know that they’ll be back.

Similar to The Hulk, Mr. Hyde, or the Evil Queen I will be back to this persona soon enough. I’ll fall into the depression that filled me as a young man. Only this time I don’t have the use of stimulants to help me cope. I have friends, God, and what I learned in rehab to walk me through it.

If you are fighting the demons of your youth and looking for a way to fight them, I’m her to tell you that it can be done. It’s not an easy thing to do, or everyone would do it, but it’s not complicated. Hey, if I can do it, so can you.

“Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change, Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage…”

Don’t stay in your cage…