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Cutbacks in Texas education funding: what in the world will we do?

Hearing that teachers and parents from the Houston area are joining the big protest against cuts in education funding this weekend has gotten my bristles up.

I am so upset about the cutbacks in Texas education funding. What in the world will we do if we have to -- take a deep breath -- quit throwing money at education?

Not throw more money at education? Are we insane? However will we cope?

How will we ever convince our children that global warming is real, that we have to save the rain forest (wherever it is) from over-development by heavy industry in the U.S.? How will children know to chain themselves to trees (when they can find them) in West Texas to keep them from being cut down by loggers?

How will we get our children to believe that white settlers of North America were, and are still, universally racist?Who will tell our children that we used the atom bomb on Korea, not Japan, to end World War II? Who will teach our children that evil Europeans, not African tribal leaders and Muslim warlords, started the slave trade? Who will convince our children that the expansion of the American nation was an imperialist thing, that we stole land from not only the Indians, but also from Mexico, and the best thing we could do is have all white people "go home to Europe."

How will we teach our children to work in teams (that is, let the smart kid in each group do all the work, while all share the credit)?That way they can enter into the workforce, be fired on their first job and go back to school to learn more skills, ensuring a seamless web of cradle-to-grave employment for educators, educational administrators and marketers of educational materials!

We need people to develop wonderful programs like C-Scope, which ignores teachers entirely and lets kids teach themselves! How else would we get rid of the most talented teachers who care about what they're doing, than to give them lesson plans and insist they follow them to the letter, no deviation allowed?

We have to remember that our schools are social experiments before we go cutting funding. We need more meals at school! Too many kids are fat, so let's feed them at school instead of letting their no-account parents raise them. If we cut back education funding, who's going to hand out condoms and birth-control information to battle the teen pregnancy rate we created when we started telling them that underage sex is a good thing? Who's going to make sure they get examined daily for signs of parental abuse, especially things like (Gaia forbid!) being told "no!"

What will happen to cultural indoctrination if we cut education funding? We need to teach them in their native language. If their skin is black, we need to teach them to speak street slang, of course, since they'll probably end up there. If they already speak English, we need to confuse them even more by teaching them Spanish. We want them to celebrate a foreign culture, not the culture we all grew up with, since that is based on white European racism.

Who will teach our children that Obama is the Great Messiah by putting his poster on the wall at the office in the high school? Who will pile the kids into taxpayer-funded buses and drive them to the state capitol to protest against evil Republican attempts to do what the short-sighted public demands it do?

We need to fully fund education in Texas!

We need teachers -- and curriculum directors and subject specialists and remediation tutors and deputy assistant associate principals and lots, lots more counselors! We need $120 million high schools and $60 million football stadiums! We need private limousine service to pick kids up at 5 a.m. and deliver them home at 9 p.m., because parents are a bad influence!

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