For many years I have studied, pondered, and explored what it means to be a truly feminine woman. I have taken workshops, been in women’s groups and what I have learned is that being feminine is something women are simply by being born as women. When we allow the culture we live in to define what being a feminine woman is we begin to forget our birthright as a woman and we learn to become what our family, culture and religion tells us being a feminine woman is.
Most of us define being feminine as quiet, frivolous, soft, tender, nurturing, passive, bitchy, changeable, moody and scatterbrained. But have you ever considered that being feminine might mean something else?
What is the “Feminine”?
Sabrina Chaw, of A Feminine Feastsays, “Being in your Feminine means manifesting a life of happiness through connection, intuition, feeling, receptivity, and openness in the heart and body. Being in our Feminine means knowing our deeper gifts as a woman, and empowering one another by the giving of our gifts.”
One of the most predominant qualities of our being in our feminine is in our ability to receive. For most of us, both men and women, this is often the most difficult thing for us to do. But for women we often forget entirely how to give to ourselves and to allow ourselves to receive from others. Our feelings of unworthiness or our religious upbringing may have us believe that receiving isn’t as good as giving. And as a result you may find yourself feeling uncomfortable and even guilty when you allow yourself to receive from someone.
How much can your receive right now? How much are you allowing yourself to receive from your senses. One of the ways that you can cultivate your ability to receive is by simply becoming present to what you are feeling, tasting, seeing or touching. An exercise you can do, even for a minute, is to eat a piece of fruit and allow your senses to fully open to it by putting your full attention on it. Smell it first, then touch it and finally taste it, but savor the flavors as you do so. Opening yourself to doing something as simple as eating anything will increase your ability to receive. Practicing this whenever you can will help you to be able to feel as if you are receiving from everyday activities. You will also feel more nurtured as well.
Using Your Intuition
Letting your instincts or your intuition guide you is also another trait of being in your feminine. When you allow your intuition to lead you, you will be more in the moment and allow whatever is being birthed to be organically created. Being in our masculine involves having more structure and creating form, which is necessary at times of course, but allowing yourself to flow more with how the energy feels, with what you are feeling and following your feelings will cultivate your feminine energy.
Opening to Receive During Sex
Part of our awakening more to being in our feminine nature is how well we receive when we are making love. For women this means how much we trust our partner. In order for us to do this, however, our partner must also be able to be more in his masculine which involves primarily becoming a container for our energy. David Deida talks about this in his book Intimate Communion. When your partner can become fully present with you and offer his full presence to you, you will feel safe enough to open your heart and your body.
During lovemaking, when you feel your most vulnerable, trust is very important. One of the main reasons most women don’t feel they can surrender in lovemaking is because they don’t trust their partner. This trust is something you will just know almost innately when it happens as your body will respond by opening into surrender. This happened to me with a man I had a deep connection with but with whom I had never even been sexual with. During our first lovemaking session, my body opened in ways I had never done before. It was as if my body knew something that I had not realized yet. Of course when your partner feels your surrender they will penetrate you even more deeply with their energy as well as physically.
Part of being in our feminine is to learn to open ourselves to every moment of life. That may sound like a rather tall order but another way we can learn to do this is by practicing with our partner.
Cultivating your feminine energy is something we as women can continue to do on a moment to moment basis. Just becoming more aware as you walk down a street of the sun’s rays on your body and to remember to breathe deeply and slowly can assist you in opening yourself up and in receiving.
Connecting With Other Women
The most powerful way that you can discover your feminine power is through your connection to other women. Connecting with other women in a way that allows you to go deep within yourself and to reveal all of who you are.
As a woman I have found that when I am able to sit with other women in a sacred circle and share from my depth I am able to not only be received and fully seen but I fully receive them and am able to see each woman for who she truly is. This is an invaluable process in cultivating opening more to your own feminine energy since another woman is the closest reflection of yourself. So it makes sense that connecting with other women in this way will allow you to go very deep and can offer you a reflection of the depth of who you are as nothing else can.
Cultivating your feminine energy is an ongoing process and I invite you to begin wherever you are to open your heart and your body and awaken to the grace of each moment.