It's as simple as leaving your jacket on your chair.
We all know we do it. We all leave work early. Some of us leave work early more often than others. For those of you who do leave work early and often, the majority of you are known as the slackers of the office. However, with the right mix of creativity and operational excellence, you can become an early exit-er without consequence.
The following eight tips will have you moving up the corporate ladder from the seat of your couch in no time:
8. Do not wear a jacket. If a jacket is absolutely necessary, try to hang your jacket in the main lobby area our outside of busy areas where people will see you wearing a jacket. Wearing a jacket wreaks of "I'm heading out for the day". The absence of a jacket relieves some of the anxiety involved in leaving work early.
7. Keep your computer logged on and if your workplace has an instant messenger device, ALWAYS stay logged on. I'm fully aware of the fact that most corporations require you to log off at the end of each day, or at the very least, lock your computer. Locking your computer automatically triggers your status to "Away" on most versions of corporate instant messaging software. This is an absolute no-no. By keeping your computer on and remaining logged on, not only do you have the ability to leave whenever you want, but you can also arrive whenever you want.
6. If possible, time delay meaningless e-mails. Microsoft Outlook provides a time delay option that allows you to write and send a message long before it is actually sent. Best practice is to delay these emails by 2 hours. If you plan on leaving work at 3pm, be sure to time delay the email for 5:13. The random time provides further proof that you were in the office past 5pm and lessens any chance of a manager detecting the time delay. As for the content of the email, it is always safe to ask questions in which you already know the answer.
5. If you have access to e-mail from home, always be sure to send out an e-mail right before going to bed. Typically, it is best to include an attachment. Attachments signal that not only were you up late working, but that you created a "deliverable". Best practice is to have something prepared before you leave work and hold off on sending the attachment until late in the evening. This method produces exponential benefits to an early departure. If management is alerted of your early departure, your late e-mail that includes an attachment is proof in the pudding that, although you left work early, you are putting in the time necessary.
4. Always search for alternate escape routes. Most buildings have multiple exit paths. Side doors, back doors, and fire exit staircases are your best friend. Make sure to mix it up and NEVER, EVER use the elevators.
3. Similar to item #8, always leave your jacket hanging on your chair. If someone is looking for you, they'll think you're at a meeting or in the bathroom. More often than not, the visitor doesn't return because they rarely have something important to say.
2. Always schedule doctor or dental appointments in the early afternoon, but not too early. Tell your manager you'll make up the hours in the morning. Always be aware of your manager's typical arrival time. For example, if your manager always arrives at 8 a.m. and you've got a dental appointment at 3 p.m., tell your manager you'll come into work a couple hours early. Rather than showing up at 6 a.m. show up at 7:55 a.m. The previous day, utilize item #6 and time delay an e-mail to be sent at 6:06 a.m.
1. If you have children, create at least 15-20 afternoon faux "issues" at the start of the year that would require you to leave work early to take care of an issue with your child. It's important to plan and track these as you do not want to mistakenly repeat a similar issue.
With these simple yet eloquent tips, you are well on your way to a 32 hour work week.
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Comments
If you don't have a child but do have a dog #1 will work for you as well. Between all the vaccinations, heart worm tests, intestinal worm tests, comprehensive exams, spay/neuter etc.etc. you should be good for many vet appointments scheduled right around 4pm throughout the year. :)
doing
A good reason to have a pet?
Are we supposed to read this and laugh? This is just really sad when I read it. I sincerely hope that my employees do not think this way.
Eileen, yes it is ok to laugh. This is funny
Another tip - Ladies can put an empty decoy purse on their desk or the floor to make it appear they are still in the office. I've had bosses who actually did this.
Some other hilarious ones from my life:
9. Walk out with a bunch of printouts in your hand. It will look like you're planning to read them at home.
10. If you have an iphone or anything with access to the net, make it a point to avoid replying to them during the day. Send them out at odd hours when you're not in the office.
Good humor . . . but anyone on their way to a 32 hour week is also on their way out the door. Usually sneaking out early is an offset for the 50-60 hour weeks and working at home in the evening. But then again, American car companies appear to be trying the "work less for more" philosophy. Maybe I have it wrong, but I agree with Eileen.
It will work only if you make it work!
Eileen:
I have had an issue for a long time about referring to "MY staff" "MY employees." They are not your property. If anyone has a better way to say this, I would love to hear it.
Dudley, i do not appreciate your views, one should be loyal to him self, irrespective of people watching him or her at work place.
Regards,
Ziya
Did my co-worker write this?
Ziya, I do not appreciate your poor English.
Funny article...
If the culture of the company drives people to want to be elsewhere, then the company should be shut down. It would be limping along on marginal profits anyway. Maybe most of them got flushed away recently in the crash, or bailed out... :o)
Spending 40 years, even at 32 hours a week, doing something you'd rather not be doing would not lead to a satisfactory life would it?
"Results based" work environments are a much healthier than "time based" work environments: "you pay me to sit here, not to think here..."
Hard to find though, however, Ricardo Semler of Semco, Brazil has done it. Nice story too... He wrote two books about it (I apply similar principles with my colleagues here in Kuwait): "Maverick" and "Severn Day Weekend".
www.jeremiahjosey.com
awesome, thanks!
Shucks man, as for #1, if you have children, you don't need to manufacture fake issues, there are plenty of real ones that come up (illness, appointments, pickups/dropoffs, sports practices and meets, school activities scheduled by non-working parents with no thought given to us office slobs, and more). I used to feel guilty about all the work time taken off to be a good parent. Looking back, I don't regret a minute of it.
And oh yeah, my personal tip is to bring home a briefcase every single day. It shows devotion to the cause, and on any given day it *could* contain a 400-page printout I plan to read before bed, or even my laptop. In reality, most days, it is just an important-looking man-purse containing my sunglasses, mp3 player, and a MapQuest printout with driving directions to next month's vacation spot.
This article is reprehensible. It shows yet another reason jobs are going overseas. We are one of the best paid workforces in the world but many whine and cry about having to actually work for their pay.
Many are struggling to find or keep jobs and you're suggesting ways to game the system. I hope you get fired.
It's a joke doof. He is not suggesting you don't get your work done, he is providing humor to us so that we don't slit our throats when we get yet another useless project.
"but anyone on their way to a 32 hour week is also on their way out the door." Your right of course, I'm headed out to dinner with my wife. Meanwhile people who LOVE makework are busy working their way to an early coronary while their daughter is at home wanting to see daddy...
I agree they pay me to think not sit. I dream about this stuff, it's only right I get dinner with my family.
It's not a joke, it's a way of life
Jenny-
If you honestly think this is only a joke, that there aren't plenty out there that don't already do this or that there aren't some reading it as a "How to"; you are far more naive than you accuse me of being.
wow, looks like someone cribbed all these tips from completeslacker.com. read all of these over there before.
Hey Salem - go type "how to sneak out of work" on Google. There are are thousands of links on the subject. None of which include a link to your website. My point is that I had no idea that site existed up until now, like most people. I assure you, everything I write is from my head. I'm sure if you look across those links, there are many overlaps as these are common popular ways to sneak out of work -- and none of that points to the fact that these ideas were stolen. That being said, thanks for passing on the link. I went and read some stuff and it looks like a fairly amusing site.
If you go search for financial advise, my best guess is you can find similar advice across thousands of sites. This is no different.
Hi Dudley, another trick I have found is to have a second wallet which has old cards and a couple of dollars in it. Leave it on your desk and it reinforces the coat on the chair routine. He can't have gone, his wallet is still on his desk....
I'm proud that I have graduated from the over-achiever, side-stepped being the ineffective manager, and am on my way to being the effective slacker. I still have guilt about going to the gym, taking nice bike-rides, having a personal life, etc. but I shouldn't because I get way more done than most others at work.
Eileen, if you can't appreciate this article then most likely your employees all think this way (at least the smarter ones).
I screen dump various screens, including word docs, spreadsheets, email screens etc. I use paint.net photo program, paste each screen dump and then save them as individually named jpegs in a folder marked "desk" on my desktop. After you have 5 or more, set your screensaver slideshow to pull up these jpegs for a few minutes each, and it will look like you are working on something and just walked away from it.
Great tips! I already use some of these..
To all the detractors and nay sayers, nowhere in the tips & tricks for leaving work early is the suggestion that work or "deliverables" are skimped on. Just 'cause you're not there every waking hour doesn't mean s#!t doesn't get done.
e-motional dot com/TScreenLock.htm
Or you can use Transparent Screen Lock (or get keygen). Keep a blank excel sheet open so it appears your doing work, but if someone touches your computer it shows a 'password' lock. It also disables 'taskmanager' so there's no way to access your comp except with password or a shutdown.
For InstantMessanger , use a mouse mover app.
Great tips and to add its important when you are leaving if you have co-worker in close proximity its good to say something vague like "Ill be back im going downstairs" or something in case the boss asks about your whereabouts. The importance of alternative routes and leaving your computer on is VITAL. Typical example two weeks ago I had to go to the hospital but I ran out of sick days so I came to work placed my laptop on my desk turned it on left it up then told my co-worker that ill soon be back and exited for like 3 hours. It was PERFECT orchestration!
In my opinion, corporate America has such crappy ideas about the difference between salary and hourly work. I think corporations treat salary workers too much like hourly and expect them to be chained to their desks 8 hours a day. As a salaried employee, if it takes me 2 hours to get something done and I spend 1 hour going home early, or it takes me 3 hours to get something done, I'm still getting paid the same and the company is still making the same amount of money. It comes down to bosses not trusting their employees and looking at numbers instead of body count.
Again, just my opinion.
Years ago because my boss was taking a day off, I took off early from my engineering job. Darn it, I ran into him on my way to where I was going and had to admit to him what I was up to.
I no longer have to do this, however. I was fired from my engineering job at that firm 30 year ago and have not had a real job since.
If I want to quit work early, that is exactly what I do.
So long for now,
Ernie Zelinski
"How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free"
(Over 110,000 copies sold and published in 9 languages)
and "The Joy of Not Working"
(Over 225,000 copies sold and published in 17 languages)www.thejoyofnotworking.com
www.unreal.com
www.how-to-retire-happy.com
I don't subscribe to the idea, as it does't help you improving yourself
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