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Crumbling 'Cookie': Why the Bumsteads' daughter explores alternate lifestyles

Cookie Bumstead discusses multiple sexual partners with mother Blondie
Cookie Bumstead discusses multiple sexual partners with mother Blondie

Dagwood Bumstead has a lot on his plate: a terrible job, a meager salary and a severe overeating disorder. Now he's got something else to worry about: a teenage daughter whose sexual proclivities are decidedly beyond the norm for a family that resides on the funny pages.

Cookie Bumstead has the best her family can offer. She's free to date who she likes. Her father lets her wear whatever skimpy outfit she likes outside the home. And the family seems to focus more rigor on Elmo, the neighbor boy who constantly shows up unannounced in the Bumstead living room, than it does on their pretty daughter.

Little surprise, then, that Cookie appears to have moved from being boy-crazy to having a hankering for orgies. Take the strip's May 1 episode, in which a comely Cookie gulps down soda, monitors her smartphone, and reveals to her mother that she's considering attending the prom with not one, but four - count them! - four different paramours, all at the same time.

Hey, we've got nothing against exploring one's bedroom kinks, but should funnies-page readers accustomed to the likes of "Hi and Lois" and "The Lockhorns" be confronted with the prospect of a girl in high school seeking out a foursome? Faithful readers of this blog (all .00065 of you) may recall that we've been tracking Cookie's simmering ingredients for a few years, but the steady ramp up in her carnal appetites - casual sex with a friend's ex-boy toy to, now, sex with four guys at once - is enough to even give our weary eyes pause.

What are Blondie and Dagwood to do? Enrolling the kid in a convent, while likely not desirable by anyone involved in this difficult situation may be the only step available to keep Cookie from getting a bun in the oven (yes, dear reader, there's a horrible pun in there somewhere). Someone needs to put this kid on a leash.