Most men I come across with children love to say their baby momma is crazy. They then rattle off what they believe makes her crazy, “She won’t let me see my kids,” “She keep taking me to child support,” “She always making a scene and cussing.” The statements always point to her reactions, but the action that produced the reaction is never given. There is never any personal responsibility taken on his behalf in regards to what has made her “crazy.”
To be fair, there are plenty of women that are certifiable and should spend some time in a padded room, but you made the decision to have sex with her. Why didn't you think beyond the 30 minutes of pleasure before you laid down with her? It’s just like I tell my daughter, “There are consequences for you actions. Some you are not ready to handle and others you don’t want to handle.” For my slow people – When you have sex (protected or unprotected) with someone there will be consequences for you actions. The consequences (in no particular order) are as follows: a baby, a STD (any kind, you don’t get to pick what it is or how long you will have it), HIV/AIDS, unhealthy emotional attachments, and best of all - DRAMA! I have no sympathy for anyone making grown up decisions and having to deal with grown up consequences. I don’t want to hear your sob story because, unless you were raped, it was your choice. The first thing I think of when I hear a man say his baby momma is crazy is what role did you play in making her crazy? You don’t know? Let me help you figure it out:
- You cheated
- You lied
- Your broken promises
- You took advantage of her
- She was already nuts from the last man, but you ignored it then amplified the crazy by doing one or all of the previously mentioned actions
Whatever role you played, own it. There is no way to get around the situation now. You may have been young and foolish when you made the child and these are the repercussions from your choices. However, you can ease the pain of dealing with “crazy baby momma” by changing the way you deal with her. You can only change yourself in any situation so that’s where you need to start.
- Stop calling her crazy. That is only a reflection of your bad choices. No one likes to be called names and if you are calling her crazy to her face then that gives her the opportunity to prove how crazy she is.
- Be mature. Someone has to be the adult in the situation. If she is one of those “Rah Rah Chicks” that likes to make a scene, cussing, fighting and calling you out of your name then resist engaging in that type of behavior and avoid antagonizing her. Be the man and walk away or hang up the phone. Nothing is ever resolved in those situations.
- Get a court order. If she won’t let you see your child then you have every right to go through the court system to get shared custody or visitation. Know your rights and protect them. She won’t hesitate to get your child support increased so use that same system.
- Stop sleeping with her. Dummy. If you are still having sex with her, but have no intentions on being in a relationship with her then she will continue to give you hell. You are playing with her emotions and she can’t process that. Have some self control and discipline and keep your penis to yourself. It already got you in enough trouble. Baby #2 will be coming shortly if you keep that up.
- Deal with her on an as need to basis. You don’t have to have a full on relationship with your baby momma, but you do need to have a civil one for the sake of the child. Be respectful in your interactions and offer to help versus her always having to ask.
- Apologize. An apology can get you a long way. It says something about your character and it eases the pain when someone feels they have been done wrong. Mean what you say and explain why you are apologizing. It will help your relationship immensely if you own your part in what went wrong. Don’t give one expecting to get one back either. Make your peace and move on.
You have to understand that most “crazy” baby mommas are that way because they still have feelings for you or in other cases they sincerely hate your guts because you did them so wrong they are acting out to make you feel the pain they feel. Women (most) can’t physically hurt you so they use other avenues to do so. We are an emotional and at time irrational creature. When emotions are high we can be irate, unreasonable, spiteful, and a bitch (for lack of a better word). Don’t let her actions dictate your reactions. I would also suggest getting under a good covering. Learn how to be a better man and father by talking to someone who is doing what you aspire to do and can relate. You need to understand your role as the man God has intended you to be. Stop listening to your boys they don’t know any better than you. It’s the blind leading the blind and you’re heading for a cliff.