According to a new analysis of data crunched by the Department of Superpatriotism, Cowboys Stadium, home of America’s Team, uses more electricity on gameday than the West African nation of Liberia uses in an entire year.
The story began with Liberian President Ellen Johnson claiming that her impoverished nation of 3.7 million people uses less annual electricity than a single football stadium in Texas. The claim morphed from hyperbolic illustration of the challenges faced by her rebuilding country to inarguable proof of our own nation’s superiority when the Wall Street Journal asked Bob Brackett, an energy analyst at Bernstein Research, to crunch the numbers.
“During moments of peak demand on game day, the 80,000-seat stadium may consume up to 10 megawatts of electricity, Bernstein said. Liberia has the capacity to pump less than a third as much power into its national grid.”
Unfortunately for America, our capacity for wasting the equivalent of a war-ravaged country’s annual supply of electricity on entirely frivolous pursuits was limited to just the eight home games the Cowboys play each season at the newly renamed AT&T Stadium, so it’s yearly usage is still below Liberia’s. Also, Johnson forgot to account for the well-known fact that everything is bigger in Texas, a place you don’t mess with.
Spontaneous chants of “USA! USA! USA!” were rumored to have erupted from homes all across the Lone Star state when the news was announced.