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Couples helping couples

I hear what your saying.
I hear what your saying.
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If there is one thing that could possibly help one couple is another couple that has suffered through some stuff. Why not make an attempt to gain some wisdom from a couple that has worked through some stressors and has seemingly come out on top. If we would put our pride to the side and stop trying to keep up with Jones maybe, just maybe a couple could draw strength from another successful marriage. Successful does not necessarily mean wealth; we all know that money does not by love or loyalty.

As iron sharpens iron so can one marriage sharpen another. We should utilize each other’s points of view and experiences, when healthy, to help others. According to Ford, “Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.” So how do you know when your partner (or you) is stressed? Ford listed these straightforward signs of stress: “one or both partners are snappy, cranky, withdrawn, moody, pouty, teary, ornery, angry, restless, hyper, agitated, overly excited.

Or one or both partners are self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, food, etc.” But it seems that couples submit to those defects and follow through with negative behaviors; the silent treatment, or maybe the opposite, the screaming treatment. Where have these scenarios gotten you in the past? You have to know at least one couple who that although they still have issues find ways to manage them before doing or saying something that will more than likely come back to bite them on the backside.

What do those couples do? How do they manage their issues, they do have them, right? Maybe you should take the time to ask, ask them to visit with you as a couple and learn what you can. After all, the wives are already doing it, yes husbands, they talk. What are those couples doing right? Well, let’s surprise you with the fact that they may have an open line of communication. Most of the time they talk about their hang-up before it becomes a major disaster.

If you see signs of stress, ask your partner what’s going on in a kind and compassionate way. It could be as simple as, are you having a difficult day, honey? Come sit by me and tell me all about it. But it seems that in this fast pace world of get it do my way very few couples take the time to do this. This is one area where some couples are getting right. Another thing that Ford said is, “We want our partner to understand and when we are listened to, we feel cared for,” That, I hope, makes senses to you.

A spouse knows when they are not being heard. Listening is another area where some couples are getting it right. Many partners forget to console their significant other and instead try to problem solve. But, as Ford said, “Comfort each other first, problem solve second.” That’s because your partner might be looking for stress relief rather than a nitty-gritty brainstorming session. Just hugging and gently touching your partner can provide that relief. This means men, that our first approach should not be to fix it.

Articles about how men tend to be “Mr. Fix its” are a dime a dozen. That is because we have yet to get it. How many articles does there need to be on how men should not always attempt to fix every issues involving their wives. A suggestion, if you guys happen to overhear a co-working talking about how well his marriage is going, ask him how they do it. Sure, the story will come with some ups and downs, every marriage has them.

So try not looking for the perfect marriage with the perfect answers. Put your pride to the side and reach out, listen for “do’s” and for sure listen for the “do not’s”. Men don’t seem to have a problem sharing their sex-capades but we have an issue with asking a brother in marriage about what he’s doing right and about what he has done wrong. Guess what guys; the wives are talking about those issues already. Listening, not listening or caring and not caring, those are the issues that affect them most. Connect with a healthy couple and see what they are doing right.

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