There’s no disputing the fact that having children will change your life. For Stephanie and Mario Caballero this couldn’t be any closer to the truth. After eight years and thirteen attempts at In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), Stephanie was thrilled to finally be pregnant. Her joy was short lived when she miscarried and learned the devastating news that an untreatable genetic condition would prohibit her from ever having children of her own. Undeterred, Stephanie decided to try again, this time utilizing a donor cycle.
A donor cycle provides an individual the opportunity to experience a pregnancy first hand by pairing the partner’s sperm with that of an anonymous egg donor. The process is the same as IVF except that the eggs come from a donor, thus enabling the female to physically carry the pregnancy. In Stephanie’s case, biologically the child would be Mario’s, but legally and in every other aspect she would be the mother.
The donor cycle worked but Stephanie dealt with disappointment again when she learned that the twins she was carrying weren’t going to survive. Stephanie suffered the rare diagnosis of having a Bilateral Ectopic Pregnancy. This type of pregnancy accounts for 1 in 750 to 1 in 1580 ectopic pregnancies and is often associated with Assisted Reproductive Therapies such as IVF. According to the Mayo Clinic, an ectopic pregnancy occurs when the fertilized egg implants itself somewhere other than the lining of the uterus, typically the fallopian tubes. The egg is unable to survive and if left untreated, life threatening blood loss is possible. The only foreseeable option was the complete removal of the fallopian tubes. Distraught, Stephanie had to come to terms with the fact she wasn’t just going to lose this pregnancy. The surgery was a forced end to any remaining chance she ever had at carrying a child, biological or otherwise.
After so many setbacks Stephanie had a unique way of describing her loss. She said she figured the embryos must have been boys because who else would get lost and not ask for proper directions? Stephanie recalls that it took a lot to get past this final blow. It was a long time before she was able to accept that she wouldn’t be able to carry a baby. It wasn’t until she came to the realization that you don’t have to be pregnant to be a Mom that she was able to move on.
Stephanie reminds others in similar situations that it is okay for you to grieve the loss. Your pregnancy is not the way that you thought it would be and you have to allow yourself time to acknowledge that. “Infertility is such a lonely journey and you are so hard on yourself. You need to get to the point where you are ready to let go of the old dreams to make room for new ones. Do you want the apple, the orange, or the fruit?”
With the help of a surrogate, Stephanie and Mario were able to realize their dream of becoming parents and now have twin nine year old boys. When the twins were around the age of three, Stephanie stumbled upon a website about infertility. This got her thinking about how she could help others in similar situations and eventually led the couple to establishing an agency of their own. Mario said he had no idea what he was agreeing to, but anyone who’s ever dealt with someone on fertility drugs can attest to the fact that you’ll quickly learn to say yes to whatever they want. To Mario’s credit he did just that and Extraordinary Conceptions was born.
In addition to providing people the opportunity to realize their dream of becoming parents, Extraordinary Conceptions offers the added perspective of its staff knowing exactly what you are going through. Providing guidance through the emotional and trying process of searching for the right donor or surrogate isn’t easy and this is something they specialize in. They recommend that you don’t try surrogacy or donor eggs until you are truly ready by giving yourself the time to heal. Stephanie and Mario’s final words of advice are that you can have a baby. You may think it’s not going to happen for you but if you really want it, it will happen. You just have to be open to as many options as possible.
Once thought of as something only for wealthy couples, there are many options available. Understanding the emotional and financial stress of infertility, Stephanie and Mario also offer financial scholarships. To learn about this program as well as all their services offered, visit the Extraordinary Conceptions website. To learn more about surrogacy, read my previous interview with surrogate Pamela MacPhee, Author of Delivering Hope.
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