The Cornell study published Wednesday concluded that kids who eat chicken on the bone are “twice as likely to disobey adults and twice as aggressive towards other kids.”
Apparently eating chicken is not the problem, though. According to the study, it’s the act of holding and biting a piece of chicken, Suffice to say researchers discovered aggression evolves from the combination of holding and biting their food.
Conversely, children who consume “cut-up pieces of food” instead of chewing on KFC drumsticks like T-Rex with an eating disorder, tend to be “more docile.” How docile? Twice as docile, according to the research.
The study published in Eating Behaviors stopped short of linking chewing chicken from bone to criminal behavior, but it definitely suggests parents who serve chicken on the bone are partially responsible for doubling aggression in our society.
Also not addressed by the report is whether the “more docile” children are bullied more often than their twice-as-aggressive, drumstick-crunching bully counterparts. The study dealt with children ages 6-10.
For sake of balance, those wondering how researchers at a famous, expensive university like Cornell began with a hypothesis that suggests eating chicken from the bone makes children twice as aggressive, may want to follow the money.
The federal government funds about 60 percent of the research performed at universities. In 2009, that amounted to the federal government funding about $33 billion of universities’ total annual R&D spending of $55 billion. Aggression notwithstanding, it seems like that kind of money would warrant a study on the correlation between reams of grant money and questionable topics for research.
Much research done by universities proves invaluable to society. However, even a regular at Sonny’s Barbecue can imagine a hypothesis-challenged researcher surveying colleagues in the lunchroom before mumbling “Eureka!” under his breath after taking a bite out of an apple.