Why do some men gravitate towards women who want to control them? Because they have issues with control and powerlessness themselves. They’re lacking self-confidence and self-esteem, and they prefer to think of themselves as the helpless “victim” who has no choice but to acquiesce to the woman’s desires. The women may be wives, mothers, daughters, etc. Men who are attracted to controlling women can be controlled by any woman.
Those men never make great leaders; they show an inability to take ownership. Other men frown on their spinelessness, and secure, confident women who are not controlling have no respect for them either. A lack of respect for a man’s strength of character is the quickest way for a woman to lose her attraction to that man; it’s distasteful and disgusting to emotionally healthy women. Personally, I’ve “fallen out of love” very quickly on a couple of occasions when I saw a man buckling under to placate a controlling woman’s selfish desires. Those men suddenly were not men to me. They were boys I had no respect or desire for.
Most men realize they will not look attractive when they are perceived as “sissies.” That creates even more of a dependency upon the woman who is controlling them; as she often appears to be the only female who is interested in loving him. But control is not a form of love. The women who want to control men do not love unselfishly and unconditionally. They have major insecurities themselves and they want a man to do their bidding as “proof” they’re important and special to the man. They want to call the shots. They want to be the princess who is placed on a higher pedestal than everyone else in the man’s life. They are like a spoiled child who is stomping its foot, crying, “I want to get all the attention! I want to be the favorite! I want to be the boss!” Unfortunately, this creates difficulties for the man in his other relationships with family and friends, which the woman fully realizes. This is not real love. This is simply an emotionally immature desire to control another human being, and a lame attempt at feeding a fragile ego.
Men can be just as controlling as women can, but our society finds that more acceptable because of a sexual bias. Controlling men are often called “dominant.” Dominant males are viewed as desirable, while dominating women are despicable. And men who are dominated by controlling women are emasculated. They’re viewed as weak and undesirable. They’re whipped. They don’t want to own their own decisions or take responsibility for their actions. “She made me do it. I had no choice. I had to keep the peace.” These are the rationales they use while alienating everyone else in their life, which is what the controlling woman wants them to do.
The one thing the man desires is simply to feel wanted and loved. Sadly, he will never feel truly loved for the person he is; but rather what he can do for the woman. But unless the man spends time working on his self-esteem and discovering why he’s attracted to controlling women, he will end up repeatedly drawn to control freaks and situations where he’s not “in control” of his circumstances. These are the middle management guys; the subordinates; the men who will never be leaders; the men who will never earn the same respect as their alpha counterparts. But worst of all, these are the men who will never respect themselves.
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