"If god is for you, who can be against you?" says the 37-year old Ray Lewis, winner of the Super Bowl, who got to retire after 17 years playing the game. Praise Jesus!
An 85-year-old pope said, according to Reuters, he had noticed that his strength has deteriorated over recent months to the extent that he had to recognize his “incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry” entrusted to him. Bummer!!
Apparently, god is not interested in our souls, but he does care about the brief careers of some professional athletes. Perhaps Ray is interested in taking up the papal mantle given his availability.
To catholics, the pope was the equivalent of jesus on earth. Days ago jesus threw in the towel and left his post. It would appear that god is not for any of us regular people. He has quit the role of savior to become a football franchise owner. All of this time catholics have been putting 10% of their hard earned income into the hands of the NFL. Not a bad trade, is it? You no longer have a blessed eternity, but you will have a lifetime of seasonal gridiron spectacles.
Could be that the Ravens ended up at the event of events due to "an act of god" in the form of a wild card? Maybe this was what Mr. Lewis was referring to when given the microphone during the post-game celebration. This is due to the Ravens being beyond reproach; living saintly and pious lifestyles, right jesus? Piety must include Lewis fathering six children by four different women, none of whom he has married; even after his conversion to christianity.This is according to religionnews.com. Lamar Campbell needs to write a worship song about bareback fucking. That one is sure to get a Grammy. Mmmmm.
But woe to catholics such as San Francisco’s coach, Jim Harbaugh. Not even a bible thumping Colin Kaepernick is safe if the coach is an infindel. Catholics don’t believe in condoms!! What the hell?!?! But, hold your horses. John Harbaugh, coach of the Ravens, is Catholic too; being raised by the same wafer eating parents. Argh!! What side was/is god on?
Further incense burning questions: Who was really "against" the winning Super Bowl team? Did the opposing team really "lose"? In your author's opinion, there were winners all around. The players of both teams, cheerleaders, coaching staff, vendors, parking facilities, beer and soft drink companies, food companies, the electric company, sewage company, apparel and souvenir makers, printing companies, camera personnel, referees, medical personnel, field maintenance staff, Beyonce (even in spite of having a bad photo surface on Facebook) her band, dancers, choreographers, back-up singers, stage production company, video creators, costume makers, etc...etc...all made significant coin on Super Bowl Sunday. It surely dwarfed the offering plate on Sunday morning.
(Priests take note. If your homilies were on bareback fucking you too could retire at 37. Oh wait, you do that to nine month old infants. Never mind.)
The 49ers were not destroyed. They will play on for seasons to come; even if they are less loved by Jesus. The only people who lost money were those paying for seats and cable service…those that didn't have earnings from wagers. Can it be concluded that god was against NFL fans or just the catholic ones?
Since god protects the Ravens, who does he protect them from? Other teams making the same money; give or take? Mother nature? Enemy franchise owners? Each other? Muslims? Atheists? Drug dealers? Gang members? China? Demons and the devil? Aliens? Spouses seeking child support? Legal courts? Is this favor with god reserved for games or does it extend to practices and the off season? Do the Ravens even need to practice since they have divine intervention? Are they protected from AIDS?
Such godly favor and protection should definitely be sought: millions of dollars, fame, recognition, an early retirement and the benefits acquired from such. God is very generous and giving. And, if this high life is too little for your insatiable appetite, you can just go on strike until the league gives you what you want. God works in mysterious ways.
Let's review the people god is for and those he is not.
God gives status and wealth to: inventors who have sold a coveted product, singers and musicians who have written hit songs, actors and actresses who have starred in high grossing films, athletes who have proven to be worthy of professional leagues, politicians who have conned people into believing they'll make a difference, authors who have written best-selling books, stock brokers who have done well playing the markets, the family of The Federal Reserve who print money and sell it to our government with interest, comedians who have made us laugh until it hurts, models who have genetic advantages to make themselves stand out in a crowd, sometimes above average dancers, corporate and banking executives and business owners....
Your author has probably omitted some from the "god" list. Do you think you made it? Then, you are one of the lucky ones. If you are one of the above and Catholic you are excluded. Sorry.
God is not for catholics nor the leaders they depend on. For Catholics and all others not on the above list: it is a mediocre, or worse, life for you now and eternal hellfire for you later.
Bow that the pope has quit let’s hope your scapular came with an extended warranty.
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