There is no easy way to ask someone this question that is in a relationship. Especially not that guy friend you have to listen to, failed relationship after failed relationship. Or that girlfriend that is so frustrated and stressed about her guy that her hair starts to fall out before she actually pulls it out. The question is blunt, straight-forward and at times, oh so, demanding. It goes something like, "You know you're/he's a mama's boy, right?"
The suggestion alone elicits a certain level of defense that most people in denial will, well, deny. But the truth is hurtful, so get ready for a few pangs (or to deliver a few, if you're the friend of a "MB"). Here are a few ways to tell if you are, or are dealing with a mama's boy.
- Decisions
There is a mountain of difference between running a couple of things by your "old girl" and actually needing her to make the decision for you. In fact, if you can not proceed without her approval -unless you are legally binding business partners in a joint business venture- you really need to take a step back and look in the mirror. Once you have reached a legal age of consent, there is no need to involve your mother in all of your doings. This type of behavior also lends itself to her expecting to know your all of your doings. Sure, it is perfectly fine to get a second opinion about a decision you HAVE ALREADY MADE, however, to rely on her word as the final thought for your every move is off-putting for even the most secure women. Grow up! On second thought, think up (some good decisions, by yourself).
- Immediate Siblings
He/she hates you. Okay well, maybe he/she doesn't hate you, hate you but they despise you a lot. And you have the nerve to wonder why it is whenever you two are play-fighting he/she takes it to the extreme. That black-eye stems from latent aggression your sibling has been building up of you over time. To them they will never live up to the perfect individual mom sees you as, and it sucks. They would love another slice of pie at family dinners, except you nuzzle it out of your mom. They yearn for that extra, special attention and a few spontaneous kisses on arrival yet, the one topper they are dying for, which seems so unreachable (thanks to you) is the incessant accolades to her friends. It is like your sibling` does not even exist when you are around. And yes, they should take that up with mom but who really has the gall to get fresh with their mother unless they are on the verge of becoming a serial killer. No thank you. It is much more fun to whip mama's prize pig.
- Communication
Everyone has heard the saying. "A long-lasting relationship is built on communication." Communication, communication, communication. A mama's boy almost always seems to have gotten his wires crossed about with whom he should be conducting communication. When a relationship starts to hit the rocky pits, as they usually do, there are a list of people a woman does not expect you to address the situation with, as well, there are a few people she does expect you to chat up. The "guys" are safe ground. Other females that she has met and bonded with, has met her boyfriend, as well as, know her religious background and upbringing, these women are okay (not ideal, but okay pending their responses to the situation). However, mother -his mother- is completely off limits. Reason being, when things begin to go sour, nine times out of ten in a relationship the girlfriend/fiancee/wife (at times) does not have the opportunity to tell her side. She is being painted as Cruella De Ville, which in turn makes it that much harder for his lady to break ground with an already impenetrable mom when they are on good terms. Best bet is to keep her out of your business unless both parties are there (and willing) to explain their side.
- Filler (For Girlfriends)
That old filler feeling you feel. You know, when you feel like you are just filling in the seats at an award show, during washroom breaks, for the camera. His mother does not respect your presence or title as, whatever you two have decided you are, and son does not do anything to redirect mother's beliefs. Obviously you should be of some importance because sons very rarely bring women around their mothers unless they have some expectations of them being worthy. However, mom is always talking about how exceptional his ex-girlfriend is/was, how well she is doing, and how much fun they are going to have on their upcoming summer sabbatical. And, of course your mama's boy does nothing to correct her behavior. Instead, he helps pick out her wardrobe for the trip and cowers at your suggestion of being disrespected; he has an explanation and excuse for all disrespect. At this point, it is time to have a long talk, or a solo walk.
Mothers are so protective of their little boys that oftentimes little boys do not recognize that they have become men. Over the course of years, especially in single parent homes, they have become reliant on each other and everyone else tends to fall to the wayside. There are many other factors that have not been identified that makes up a mama's boy/man (cooking comparisons, frequent trivial emergencies, oedipus complex, never wanting to leave home, etc.) just make sure you are avoiding or working through the basics (above) so that you can to keep your relationship healthy and happy on both ends.
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