Getting older is an emotionally challenging time for everyone, but many people overlook how aging affects adult children and other caring and concerned relatives and friends. Family members often find themselves in conflict with each other over what is the best place for their parents to spend their later years, who should make important decisions and who will supervise the necessary conversations, choices, caregivers, and financial obligations that go with the decisions.

 Let’s face it, in most family situations, conflict is a given. Some adult children are unable to begin the conversation; others want to prove how caring and sensitive they are to the parents’ needs, etc. Enter the Elder Mediator. Realizing how difficult this process is when her own mother was aging, Berkeley-based Katharina Dress, a mediator and trainer specializing in working with adults and their families, began providing services as an Elder Mediator several years ago. Her mediation practice, Aging in Harmony, offers a voluntary and confidential process for families to talk about difficult issues such as moving to a different living situation, long term health care, driving, living alone and other complex issues.

 Katharina stresses that mediation is not therapy nor is it legal advice.  Mediation is a way for people to listen to each others’ opinions, feelings and needs and work together to find solutions agreeable to everyone. The mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates open and effective communications.

 The process is different for each family, but basically she pre-interviews all parties first, establishes a time and place for the mediation and allows out of town parties to participate by phone. She then guides the group to gather information, set goals and work to make and implement decisions. Sometimes all that is needed is one session although multiple sessions are also offered. Follow-up is included as well.

 If you are not quite ready to hire a mediator for your family but want to learn more about how it works, Katharina Dress is offering a workshop open to the public on Friday, May 20th and Sat, May 21st. Called “Conflict Resolution Skills For The Challenges Of Aging,” the sessions will meet at Age Song, 1440 40th St. Emeryville, CA. Participants will examine their own assumptions about aging, learn tools for communications, and through hands-on training, practice new roles and tools.

 To register or for more information, go to http://aginginharmony.eventbrite.com.