Lisa Lampanelli performs Feb. 13 inside the Palms
It’s no secret that Lisa Lampanelli loves the “chocolate daddies.” However, the acid-tongued comedienne is ready to prove once and for all that the old saying “Once you go black, you never go back” isn’t true when she says “I do” to her (white) fiancé, Jimmy Big Balls, this October. But does putting a ring on it mean that the Grammy-nominated comic is finally giving up chocolate for good?
Not exactly, but Jimmy doesn’t have anything to worry about.
“I love anything chocolate,” Lampanelli, who single-handedly gives the term “chocoholic” a whole new meaning, replied when Examiner.com asked her about her guilty food pleasures. “Except I have to say I’ve always been disappointed by those molten chocolate lava cakes--you know, the ones that have that c#m-shot of chocolate coming out of them? They usually serve them someplace classy, like an Applebee’s or Chili’s.”
Performing at the Pearl inside the Palms this Sat., Feb. 13, Lampanelli may be at the top of the comedy food chain right now, but that doesn’t mean she has to eat like an A-lister. In fact, Lampanelli joked that she’s a “lazy b@$ch” when it comes to eating out and generally will just order room service or get food someplace that’s "45 steps" from her room whenever she’s on the road. Luckily, she won’t have to walk far to eat at some of her favorite restaurants when she’s in town over Valentine’s Day weekend, as some of her favorite Vegas restaurants are located inside the Palms.
“N9NE Steakhouse is just fierce and Nove Italiano is phenomenal; I ate there once with Penn (Jillette) and his wife--you know, one of my huge celebrity friends--and he paid the bill to impress me,” Lampanelli smugly recalled. “Then in the residences (Palms Place) there’s this restaurant (Simon) that serves Hostess cupcakes, Sno Balls…basically all the crap I ate as a child that gave me an eating disorder. By the way, the fact all these restaurants are inside the Palms isn’t intentional; I don’t get a discount for plugging them in an interview. Cheap bastards.”
While Lampanelli joked that she wishes she were more famous so she’d get more free stuff whenever she eats out (“I once saw Dave Chappelle get free coffee at Starbucks,” she noted. “In New York, though, I’m pretty unfamous. The only people who recognize me and bug me when I’m out are fags, and that’s cause they have no boundaries.”), the insult comic did recall one time she was treated to something in Las Vegas compliments of the chef.
“I was at N9NE (pictured left) and the chef sent out this huge seafood platter with all this seafood on it, like clams and oysters (N9NE’s Chilled Shellfish Platter, which comes with Maine lobster, Alaskan king crab, jumbo shrimp, littleneck clams, oysters and mussels served on shaved ice),” Lampanelli recalled, disgusted. “I can’t stand fancy stuff, though, so I just threw the food under the table [laughs]. I’m a steak person, although people who recommend filet mignon can go suck a dick. I hate filets; they’re too dry. I love fat. Give me some meat with some fat on it!”
Despite making a name for herself as Comedy’s Lovable Queen of Mean (Lampanelli was quick to point out, though, that she does do some nice things for others, like “never spitting on the homeless”), Lampanelli admitted that she’s usually a pretty generous tipper whenever she eats out--but it’s not by choice.
“I have no patience for lateness,” Lampanelli replied when asked about her dining out pet peeves. “If I don’t have my water in three seconds, there goes your tip, b@$ch. But the problem is, since people recognize me, I have to tip double or else I end up on some Web site like Cheapwhore.com, which really isn’t fair to me as a celebrity. So now I tip 50% because I’m scared someone’s going to talk bad about me!”
Although Lampanelli may be worried about what others say about her offstage, onstage the foul-mouthed comic is more racial and controversial than ever before thanks to the new man in her life--and that, as fans know, says a lot.
“I’m a little edgier than I was the last time I performed in Las Vegas,” Lampanelli said when discussing her upcoming show. “I’ve got Jimmy now to protect me, and he’s a huge guy. He looks like he’s from some crime family, so people don’t want to mess with him.”
In addition to her material being more risqué, Lampanelli assured fans who saw her live last year that they’ll be treated to a bunch of new material when she takes the stage.
“A lot has happened to me since the last time I was in Las Vegas,” she said. “Back then I was still dating chocolate daddies, now I’m in love with a big dirty wop. So yeah, they’ll see about an hour of new material, as I talk about everything from my fiancé to his enormous nut sack. If they liked the show before, they’ll like it even more this time around.”
Like many successful stand-up comics these days, Lampanelli’s been busy offstage as well developing her own side projects. Unfortunately, the TV pilot she was working on for HBO alongside funnyman Jim Carrey (who was producing the project) recently fell through, but the comedienne is hopeful that the talk show she’s currently developing won’t suffer the same fate.
“It’s sort of like ‘The McLaughlin Group’ but it deals with pop culture,” Lampanelli explained. “It won’t cover the news because I haven’t followed the news since that chimp attacked that woman. I just watch Bravo and VH1 now.”
When asked if she would ever leave her career in stand-up for the small screen, the frequent Comedy Central roaster replied, “No, never. Stand-up is my full-time gig; it’s the only thing I count on. TV is too crazy. For me, TV is just an excuse to do stand-up in bigger places. I only want to have a TV show to increase my following on the road. Really, it’s just an excuse for the end result.”
Still, with so many side projects demanding her attention (not to mention a wedding to plan), when does Lampanelli find the time to write new material?
“I’m not one of those comedians who sits at the computer writing stuff, I just go onstage and talk about what’s pissed me off that week,” Lampanelli, a one-time journalist who studied at Syracuse University, replied when discussing her writing process. “Then I tape all my shows and have an assistant transcribe them so I can go back and punch up the material. Man, can you imagine the number of times the word c&nt has been transcribed?”
With Lampanelli constantly polishing up her act, it’s only natural to wonder when another TV special might be in the works. Always thinking ahead, Lampanelli said she’s hoping to tape her next comedy special sometime in November, shortly after her big day. With her wedding on the horizon, the question had to be asked: Is there any chance of little Lisa Lampanellis in the future?
“No,” Lampanelli concluded. “Luckily, I found the one 48-year-old guy who doesn’t have any kids. Thank god he shoots blanks.”
With a name like Jimmy Big Balls, who would have guessed?
Lisa Lampanelli performs inside the Pearl at the Palms Sat., Feb. 13, at 8 p.m. Tickets are $49.75, plus service fees. Call 1-800-745-3000 or simply click here.
For more on Lisa Lampanelli, visit her official Web site.
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