Every book fiend has one, although they will strenuously deny it, except quietly, in utter confidence, with the doors locked, the blinds drawn, and after the administration of a large, medicinal dose of alcoholic beverage: a mental list of books that their friends love, their professors love, that every critic on the face of the earth proclaims as the best thing ever written since man wrapped his opposable thumb around a stylus -- yet that they deeply, desperately, wholeheartedly loathe.
Book fiends always feel mildly guilty about disliking a book, especially if it's one of the rarefied classics or a high-minded tome that everyone else adores. It's shameful to them, as if just plain disliking Dostoevsky or admitting that T.S. Eliot left them cold means that they are intellectually inept, as if they should be condemned to live with a great scarlet "I" on their chest: Idiot.
I know all of you devout readers out there have an embarrassing List of Hated Books, because I have my own. In the interests of alleviating the burden of your hidden shame, I am willing to expose my own personal list to your literary ridicule. Just remember, as you sneer at my tomes -- "She hated that? Does she have two brain cells to rub together?" -- that I know you have one of these carefully concealed mental lists, too.
10 books I should love...but for some reason, I hate
1. Saturday - Ian McEwan
This book is, hands-down, the most unenjoyable thing I have ever read. I still begrudge Mr. McEwan the dozen or so hours of my life that I threw away on this completely unsatisfying tome. I hated it for the blow-by-blow, second-by-second, ultra-detailed account of the protagonist, Henry Perowne's day, from how many steps he took in the kitchen while cooking fish to how many erections he had and when. I hated it for the overt politicization of the text. I hated it for thinking that there was going to be some point to the story and being terribly disappointed. But most of all, I hated the conclusion -- the most ridiculous, unbelievable, and absurd conclusion in the history of modern literature.
I read through reams of Saturday reviews after laboring through the book and couldn't hardly believe what I saw -- critics everywhere falling over themselves to call Saturday "hugely enjoyable," "refreshing and engrossing," "McEwan's best" (which is rubbish; Atonement was a hundred million times better). I damn near wept tears of gratitude when I finally found Mr. John Banville's review in The New York Review of Books:
Saturday is a dismayingly bad book...Another source of dismay, one for which, admittedly, Ian McEwan cannot wholly be held accountable, is the ecstatic reception Saturday has received from reviewers and book buyers alike. Are we in the West so shaken in our sense of ourselves and our culture, are we so disabilingly terrified in the face of the various fanaticisms which threaten us, that we can allow ourselves to be persuaded and comforted by such a self-satisfied and, in many ways, ridiculous novel as this?
Mr. Banville, I love you.
2. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
I love Charles Dickens' books. David Copperfield was one of the most engrossing things I've ever read. Great Expectations, however, left me feeling depressed and unhappy. The majority of Mr. Dickens' books feature young protagonists who are essentially good but must struggle against bad influences to succeed; Great Expectations is the exact opposite -- it features a protagonist that seems essentially bad and eventually fails regardless of all the good influences trying to help him to the contrary.
3. The Name of the Rose - Umberto Eco
The Name of the Rose is included in just about every "20th Century Books You Must Read" list I've ever seen. Yet, after plowing through all 600 pages, I'm still not entirely sure why. The details about life in a medieval monastery were interesting, yes, but that only took up about, oh, 200 pages or so. What about those other 400 pages? Argh. This book is commonly described as a "riveting murder mystery." Now, I'm a connoisseur of riveting murder mysteries, and I guarantee you, this ain't one.
4. Sula - Toni Morrison
I"ve read everything Ms. Morrison has written and she is a dream of a writer. I stand in awe of The Bluest Eye and Beloved in particular, which were both absolute masterpieces. I also thought Song of Solomon and Tar Baby (actually, Tar Baby is my favorite of her works; I just love that book) were exceptionally good. However, I despised Sula, both the book and the character. Maybe it's just me, but moaning and pining for the former best friend who has just taken off with my husband is a bit too much for me. Sula lost me at that point and never got me back.
5. Mansfield Park - Jane Austen
I know there must be other Austenites out there with me on this one -- didn't Fanny Price simply drive you wild in this book? She is such a SAP. It was especially disconcerting that I found I liked the spirited bad girl, Mary Crawford, best. Maybe it's because Fanny's spinelessness reminds me too much of myself, I don't know. In a Jane Austen book, I want to like the good girl more than the bad girl, and Mansfield Park simply didn't do it for me.
6. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
Mr. Collin's The Moonstone was one of the most fascinating and suspenseful things I've ever read, so I was falling over myself to get a copy of The Woman in White, which, when it was first published, far outpaced the sales of The Moonstone. Only a few chapters in, however, I was already praying for death. Admittedly, part of this is my knee-jerk dislike of "she was so beautiful, it was love at first sight" stories, which is lavished on with a putty knife in The Woman in White. I normally quite like a bit of Gothic suspense/romance, but The Woman in White left me feeling white with fatigue.
7. Smilla's Sense of Snow - Peter Hoeg
Here's another book that is on every Must Read list known to God and man. Stephen King even includes it in his On Writing book recommendations list (take a look at the rest of the list here). And, again, I ask myself, "Why?" It wasn't horrible. There were some comic scenes that were so outstandingly well done I read them over and over again just to soak in how Mr. Hoeg pulled them off. And learning about the delicate interactions between Denmark and Greenland was indeed fascinating. But for a novel of that length, requiring that sort of time commitment, frankly, I'd hoped for a bigger bang for my buck. (And speaking of that, some of the sex scenes in this book were....well, let's just say that I was seriously wondering if someone had pulled a fast one on me and slipped a hard-core Harlequin romance novel into the dust-cover instead of the innocent sounding Smilla's Sense of Snow.)
8. Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy - John le Carre
Do you know what I think doomed this book for me? Reading it right after finishing Mr. le Carre's The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, which was a triumph, a joy, a masterpiece of a novel. Coming off of that kind of high, how could I possibly find Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy as good? I didn't. I sorely missed all of the spy lore that made up such a big part of The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, and, although I love George Smiley dearly (and I can't picture him in any way separate from Alec Guinness), the whole "Oh dear, my beloved wife is running around with a skanky double-crossing agent that I thought was my friend" wore my patience thin after a few hundred pages.
9. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Regular Book Examiner readers know full well that there is no love lost between Wuthering Heights and I (take a look at the 5 most annoying literary romances if you need further evidence). Our animosity is the stuff of legends. I will only say here that I adore everything all the Bronte sisters ever wrote -- except for Wuthering Heights. I actually shouted invectives at the walls when I read this book for the first time: "WHY am I reading this book? THIS is romance?! This woman is a jerk. This man is a jerk. How many pages until I reach the end?" I know you Bronte fans will abhor me for this, but I am only being honest here.
10. Children of Dune - Frank Herbert
Frank Herbert's Dune is my third favorite book of all-time. However, I think I would rather be waterboarded, have my leg amputated with no anaesthetic, or be forced to watch a running loop of John Cusack romantic comedies than have to suffer through this novel again. Let the hate mail from Dune devotees begin -- I stand by what I say: Dune was incredible, a masterpiece of modern science fiction. But Children of Dune? Let it be buried beneath a mile of Arrakeen sand, never to rear its ugly head in my presence again.
How brave are you, book fiends? Ready to reveal to the world the tomes you've hated all this time, just never had the chutzpah to admit? Come on, let it all out here -- it's kind of fun. We won't laugh at you (too much).
Left behind: the top 10 most abandoned books in hotel rooms in 2009
Men are from Dune, women are from Pemberley? Leaping recklessly into the literary gender gap
10 best basic cookbooks and why cookbooks are still important in the age of the Internet
50 best true crime books: truth stranger -- and scarier -- than fiction
What makes a good book to movie adaptation? Five great bookish movies...and five lousy ones
The plagiarism paradox and 10 famous authors accused of plagiarism
A lament for the death of literary humor and the Book Examiner's 10 funniest books of all time
Comments
I completely agree with your take on Wuthering Heights. I couldn't even get through it. I bought it because it is hailed as a classic and I was disappointed that I had never read it (same for Great Expectations). I thought I was being a literary idiot for not liking either. So thanks for paving the way for all of to follow in your footsteps and admit our literary dislikes.
I have always freely admitted to anyone who would listen how much I hated Wuthering Heights. Cathy and Heathcliff are the worst people ever. Ugh. I like books with characters that drive me insane for good reasons (like Scarlett O'hara) but these two were too much for me.
I hate to admit it, but I didn't get The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy at all.
Michelle,
I (as well as everyone else who's posted) am with you on Wuthering Heights. There are very few books I will start but not finish, but that was one.
I will have to add "On Chesil Beach" by Ian McEwan. Several people praised that book and insisted I read it, including one friend who bought it for me. Never again. It was a very frustrating read for me. I love McEwan, just not that one.
We should gang up and snap our towels at Gunefireu for his absentminded comment on The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
In general, all of Dune's sequels kept getting worse, and worse, and worse... I didn't even bother with the last one. I just decided to wipe the series out of my mind and think about what a great book "Dune" is.
The book that I cannot stand that the critics love is Prep, by Curtis Sittenfeld. It was self-indulgent and boring, and I kept reading it expecting it to get better, and it never even got interesting. The main character was indecisive and whiny, and the only scene in the book that I kind of enjoyed was the scene where she realizes that her roommate is a lesbian. Yet somehow, beyond my comprehension, this book made all kinds of best seller lists and critics everywhere fawned all over it and lauded the main character as The! Next! Holden! Caufeld!. Uggh.
You know I was with you until I got to #5. It may be because I am particularly biased when it comes to Austen (and Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and Sense and Sensibility happen to be my favorite), but Fanny Price is one of those characters that just tore at my heart over the injustice and the absolute helplessness of it all, yet the ending was very well deserved. How can you not feel bad for her? Makes me wonder how you can like Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell and not Mansfield Park? But then again, I can't stand Villette by Charlotte Bronte. I swear it was the first book I ever actually threw across a room with disgust after finishing it. Biggest waste of time in my life--Stupid doll like blonds! AHH! Makes me want to scream just thinking about it.
You know, you've got a point there Raye -- Why DO I hate Fanny Price but still don't mind Molly Gibson in Wives and Daughters? Hurm...the ways of woman are inscrutable.
I'm with you on Umberto Eco's tome. I picked it up without reading it since the reviews and summaries were so amazing. I couldn't get into it at all, not one bit. So, I donated it to the library where someone less idiotic than I has probably picked it up and read it and loved it.
Another one I'm having issues with is Elizabeth Kostova's "The Historian". Halfway through the book, and I'm so over the entire "Oh I shouldn't tell you about my horrible secret because horrible things happen when I discuss it" theme. Just tell the darn story already!
I totally agree with you on Wuthering Heights! It's so depressing. I started it 8 months ago and i still havn't gotton through it yet, i keep putting it off. And i'm not a person to take so long to read a book.
Thumbs up for the Umberto Eco dislike! I tried The Name of the Rose and then Foucault's Pendulum but both were awful, as was Mansfield Park. But I can't understand your dislike for Great Expectations.But,"it takes all sorts to make a world".
Having only read a few articles so far, I do enjoy this blog.
And having only read one of the books (in full) on this list, I will tell you why I didn't mind Wuthering Heights. I read it in conjunction with Pride and Prejudice as a comparison for class. I HATED Pride and Prejudice because within the first 6 paragraphs, I could have written the story, it was so predictable and corny. Most of my girlfriends hate me for saying that. But Wuthering Heights was just dark and messed up when put up against that, and I loved it because of that.
Clearly I'm not much of a romantic.
I adore Wuthering Heights, but a huge part of that love stems from the fact that I don't consider it a romance. Heathcliff and Catherine have a dysfunctional relationship, and both of them are horrible people whose primary purpose in life seems to be making themselves and everyone around them miserable. Nothing about that is *romantic*.
However, if you read the book as a demonstration of the dangers of obsession and as a fairly uplifting story about how children aren't doomed to repeat the sins of their parents, then it becomes completely awesome. (I read somewhere--though sadly I can't remember where--that the "dangers of obsession" angle is exactly how the book *was* interpreted when it was first published...until it was confirmed that the author of Wuthering Heights was a woman, at which point readers reclassified it as a romance.)
Wuthering Heights!! When i saw the title of your post i thought of it immediately. I am so happy to have company in this hatred. And all sequels to the great Dune should just be forgotten as exploitive nonsense while readers go back to Dune for the spice again and again.
I could not agree more about Wuthering Heights, which is #1 on my list. That was the most pain I've ever experienced while reading a book and I spent its entirety waiting for the characters to die (please God just DIE already!). Lolita is #2, I just did not enjoy seeing the world from the POV of a child molesting pervert. Ick.
Wuthering Heights is still sitting on my bedside table--where it's been for more than 6 months. I'm about halfway through it...still. As an adoptive mom, I can't really get into the whole "don't adopt a kid because he'll turn out to be a psychopath who'll divide your household and ruin your family for generations" theme. And what's with the weird forward/backward in time structure? Just tell the story already...
I hate my year 10 english teacher for forcing Wuthering Heights on me, and my first year university lecturer for putting it on the course list and making me read it again. I love angsty, dark and twisty romance stories but WH was devoid of any redeemable qualities. Poorly written, poorly plotted, and patheticly dull characters. Heathcliff is as boring as Edward from Twilight, a cardboard cutout of what the Byronic (anti) hero should be.
I have to list not only Saturday but all of McEwan's novels. Particularly Atonement. Riles me up just thinking about it!
I agree with most of these, but I was shocked by The Woman in White being on the list. It's one of my favourites! I like Great Expectations as well, but I'm frequently alone in that opinion.
I would add anything by Cormac McCarthy, but particularly The Road. I have never read a more repetitive yet pretentious book. I'm an absolute bibliophile. I can't even bring myself to dog-ear or take notes in my books, but I wanted to toss The Road straight into the trash!
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!