People have a fixed body language, developed over time from all their experiences, which reflects their self-image. How does that help to understand and relate to people we meet more effectively? If you are open to your feelings and listen to them, you will have a basic understanding of the person you are meeting. The person will react to the context, given circumstance, of the meeting with behavior that will further provide clues to the true intent of the communication between you.
The basis of communication is the intent of the persons in the communication inside the given circumstance. In a simple meeting of two persons, both evaluate the posture of the other person for some basic information. Are they aggressive or shy, positive or angry etc? Each reacts to the given circumstance, the other person based on the posture information, and the behavior presented. The emotional memory of how previous encounters with like postures and behaviors determine how or if the meeting continues. If both have some needed intent for the communication, the meeting goes on. How the conversation moves forward depends on the intent of each party.
Where the communication takes place has a strong influence on the how it will proceed. Two people in a bar will evaluate each other’s posture and intent differently than two people meeting at a job site. The intent may be the same but the behavior will be different because of the location. Interpretation of the body language and the behavior that indicates intent are imperative to a successful meeting at either location.
Each person in the meeting must determine what the intent and the truthfulness of the other party. First must be intent. What does the other person need? Truthfulness is part of the behavior.
There are two levels of need in any conversation, the expressed need (stated intent) and the emotional need (emotional intent) of each person.
Example:
Both parties are involved in a project at an office where the company needs to change to a new computer program. The meeting is set with a software sales representative and the company representative. If the intent for both is to find the best product for the company, and if the sales representative is slightly more aggressive than the company representative is, the meeting will go smoothly without an emotional need to be met. If the sales representative desperately needs a sale to keep his job, there may be more profound aggression and fear for him. If the company representative believes another company has better products, there will be a good deal of resistance to any sales pitch. The emotional need of each party changes the dynamic, the body language and behaviors of each person.
The company representative is suspicious of the sales representative because of the sales representative shows behavior of anxiety and aggression on the first meeting. The behavior might make the company representative believe that the products not as good as others as she believed. This is a situation where no agreement will be reached.
Understanding the different emotional needs of each participant in the meeting could have changed and unsuccessful communication to a positive one.
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