In a recent study, psychologists have discovered that couples don't always communicate well. In fact, some couples communicate no better than complete strangers. After reading this article I sat down and thought about my friends and family and the relationships they have and discovered there may be more to this theory than I thought.
You like to think that couples communicate well, they know intimate details about their partners that no one else has insight to, and as the relationship progresses they learn to effectively communicate and navigate through conflict and issues that arise. But I have a couple Colorado friends that struggle in this area... they don't communicate but they seem perfectly happy to continue through life without this level of intimacy in their relationship.
One couple I know can sit in a room full of other people and not even speak two sentences to each other throughout the whole night. The particularly interesting thing is they can talk to everyone else all night long. When you ask them about their relationship they are completely happy. They never fight, they never discuss issues like finances or children. In fact, this particular relationship has been running strong for over seven years.
There is such a thing as over-communicating but a person would assume under-communicating would cause problems in the relationship. Create insecurities that were not always there. Develop levels of distrust because their partner is not openly sharing details of their life. But to some couples this arrangement seems to work. And this style of relationship seems to be growing as the study implies (24 married couples participated in this study).
One might hypothesize this type of relationship is becoming more popular because of environmental influences like; economy, childhood experiences, and peer experiences. Many people have reported over the years that people are living together long after the relationship is over because of financial reasons. Depending on your generation you may have grown up in a household where your parents stayed together for the sake of the family, this would give a person a different impression of how relationships should work. Friends have become more open with sharing intimate details of their relationships over the last 10 to 20 years. All of these factors can help to erode communication skills in relationships.
Ultimately, a relationship needs that level of intimacy. If you don't have that in your current relationship you are most likely finding it elsewhere. Try to slowly increase the level of communication in your relationship and you might be surprised how close you will become.
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