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Commentary on March 15's "24" (Day 8, 3 a.m. - 4 a.m.)

Kiefer Sutherland and Anil Kapoor in "24."
Kiefer Sutherland and Anil Kapoor in "24."
FOX

Real-life stuff, including repercussions for the power outages across New Jersey, delayed this recap's appearance a bit, but here we are! As always, spoilers abound:

  • Here’s a question regarding the nuclear rods: If Samir’s boys want to detonate a nuclear device, but they can’t bring the rods into Manhattan because of CTU’s Acme Atom-O-Detectors, then why can’t the other schmoe with the detonator drive OUT of Manhattan? This way, they could blow up a chunk of Brooklyn! Terror accomplished! And believe me, if they center the blast on Red Hook, no one will mind.
  • Kayla stays in the bathroom, trying to bide time. Tarin: “What is that noise? It sounded like a window being opened.” Kayla: “Nothing, dear. My Kamistan chastity belt fell off.” Tarin: “But Kamistan doesn’t have chastity belts!” Kayla: “Ah, no wonder it didn’t work!”
  • This is definitely filmed in Hollywood. That hotel bathroom is bigger than most Manhattan apartments.
  • Oh noes! The NYPD cops are about to painfully learn the second-most important lesson of 24: ALWAYS LISTEN TO JACK. The first-most important lesson is: CHLOE IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
  • You can't get Jack Bauer to fall for that "grab the walkie talkie and impersonate a cop" trick! Well, maybe the first three or four times, but not the fifth!
  • The parole officer, Bill Prady, arrives at CTU to ask Starbuck some questions about White Trash Ex-Boyfriend. AIEEEE, the Zombie Subplot from Hell is back! I’ll try to ignore this for the rest of the hour, except to add that Bill Prady is also the name of the creator of The Big Bang Theory.
  • Speaking of which, think of how much better that subplot would be if Starbuck were engaged to Sheldon from Big Bang Theory instead of Freddie Prinze Jr. Fun! Bonus points for being less ridiculous!
  • Arlo wonders who he reports to now: Starbuck or Chloe. Chloe tells him to get his friggin' drones in the air! Well, that answers that.
  • Samir demands that President Hassan hand over "File 33." No, not File 33! That's President Hassan's secret formula for Impregna-Hold Hair Spray™! The Kamistan economy will be ruined!
  • Jack gets tough with Hassan and Dalia, bluntly saying that their daughter's life is up for grabs only because they brought this threat to New York. Rumors swirl that if 24 is cancelled, Jack Bauer will take over Oprah's Book Club.
  • After Kayla's getaway, Jack and Freddie Prinze Jr. head to the secret underground bank vault where Dr. Octopus -- uh, I mean, the terrorists have holed up. Jack and Freddie shoot out the bank's front doors and then... quietly sneak down the stairs. Gunfire makes noise, right? Or did Jack nipple-cute Sir Isaac Newton again and break the laws of physics?
  • Hunchback Hastings starts applauding the news of Kayla's escape and congratulates everyone, including Starbuck. What the hell did SHE do, aside from telling Kayla, "Drive straight"? What a maroon.
  • OHHHHH! Tarin was faking the "getaway"! Cool! This means that the terrorists wanted Kayla to escape, so the car must be rigged with a bomb to go off as it drives right up to the glass doors at the very front of a high-security HQ. NOT so cool!
  • It's an EMP, designed to knock out electronic systems and reboot a failing plot at 50 yards! A CTU security guard stupidly volunteers to back the car out before it detonates. Doofus. On MY planet, two seconds is not a long time!
  • After nearly eight seasons of 24, Jack Bauer is brought to his lowest point. He says to Freddie, "We need to contact the, gulp, NSA." Nooooo, not a rival three-letter agency!
  • Dalia: "That disgusting broadcast reminds me of the time your father brought cellophane and blindfolds to his Cabinet meeting...." Hassan: "Dalia! I'm RIGHT HERE!"

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