Think of a word or phrase that irritates you to the highest degree when you hear people use it. More specifically, a term that is used by members of the opposite sex to describe the behavior of many members of your own gender. One such adjective that falls into this category for me is the term "creepy." It is my strong opinion that a number of women use this term way too much, way too inappropriately, and way too invalidly.
Two recent incidents of this happened with public figures. One was when Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, married the much younger Crystal Harris on New Year's Eve. Many women in the media, and even some women I know personally, offered comments such as, "That is so creepy for a man that old to marry a woman that young." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. As long as Crystal is eighteen years of age or older, there is nothing "creepy" about his choice of a bride.
The second incident involved popular and well respected sports broadcaster Brent Musberger. Musberger, during the telecast of the BCS College Football National Championship Game, started to verbally fawn over the beauty of Miss Alabama Katherine Webb, who happens to be the girlfriend of University of Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron. Again, many women in the media and otherwise offered comments and criticisms suggesting that Musberger's flattery toward Webb was "creepy." Even ESPN sports network offered an "apology" on behalf of Musberger for being momentarily infatuated with Webb's beauty. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Let me start off with a basic definition of a "creep." Truthfully, there is no "formal" definition of a "creep." Only a 'slang' definition. This term is used similar to the term "jerk" or "asshole." The term is extremely subjective. Dictionary.com defines (in slang terms) a "creep" as someone who is "boring," "highly eccentric," "introverted," and/or "obnoxious."
On UrbanDictionary.com, the unofficial "bible" of slang terminology, the most popular definition of "creep" is a man who simply is perceived as "undesirable" by women. As you can see, there is no association with the term "creep" and "sex." Yet, the vast majority of women will call a man a "creep" or "creepy" when he exhibits behavior that is, to one degree or another, 'sexual' in nature. Why is this?
As the author of four books related to approaching women, many of my (male) readers and clients often ask me, "Alan, how can I be direct with my romantic and sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women without being perceived by women as 'creepy'?" I tell all of them, "Do not worry about women having a potential negative or adverse reaction to what you say to them or how you express your desires and interests. Just concern yourself with expressing to a woman why you want to share her company either in the short run or the long run, and leave the rest up to her."
Now in fairness to women, I am sure that many men employ a lot of highly subjective terms that women do not care to hear, or consider remotely appropriate or valid. For example, I have heard men call a woman a "ho" (short for whore) or a "slut" simply because that woman wore sexually provocative clothing, or had sex with more than one man in a year. A number of women got so riled up about being labeled "slutty" by men because of the revealing clothing that many of them like to wear, that they decided to organize what came to be known as "SlutWalks" (I wrote an article about it here).
Men might need to start having "We-are-sexual-but-not-creepy-Walks" in various countries. And I am only half-joking.
Let me break it down as if I am talking to a fifth grader:
1) I am a single heterosexual man.
2) I have a penis.
3) When I am in the company of a woman who I find physically attractive and sexually appealing, more than likely, I am going to approach her and communicate to her my desire to share her company in a romantic and/or sexual manner (unless I know ahead of time that she is married, engaged, or already romantically involved).
4) I have had sex with women as young as nineteen years behind me (when I was 43, I had sex with a woman who was 24), and I have had sex with women as old as twenty two years in front of me (when I was 25, I had sex with a woman who was 47).
Regarding point #4, I normally do not publicize my personal sex life like this, but I point this out to highlight that for the vast majority of men, age difference is not a big issue. Especially when the man is older and the woman is younger. Just in the last few months, Alec Baldwin married a woman twenty six years his junior. If you are a woman reading this, do you consider his marriage "creepy?" If so, I say "whatever." The aforementioned Hefner is a whopping sixty years older than his bride.
Next to the age difference factor, many women will point out that they simply do not like being hit on by and flirted with by men who they do not find physically attractive or sexually appealing. There is nothing wrong with that. That is a woman's prerogative to decide what men she is interested in romantically or sexually, and what men she is not interested in. That being said, that does not give her the right to brand a man as "creepy" simply because she is not attracted to the man.
I remember once when working a temp assignment (i.e., temporary employment) in Los Angeles, I had this female co-worker get bent out of shape because a recent acquaintance of hers sent her a photo of him wearing just his boxer briefs. Among her other criticisms of his uninvited gesture, she repeatedly referred to what he did as "creepy." I debated her on that. I told her that he might deserve a criticism or two for sending her an unsolicited photo of himself in his underwear, but I did not consider what he did at all to be "creepy."
Over the years, I have had women send me photos via email and/or text message of them in their bra and panties without me specifically asking them to. Does this mean these women were exhibiting "creepy" behavior? What about all of the women on Facebook who post multiple photos of them in swimwear or their underwear? Are all of these women 'creepy attention whores?'
You know what behavior by men I do legitimately think is "creepy?" When men want to have sex with a woman, but they indefinitely try to "pretend" that they do not. For me, that is 'creepy.' We all know men who do this. Men who go weeks, months, and years ... 'pretending' to be a woman's 'platonic friend' or 'play brother,' when that man knows damn well he wants to get in that woman's pants. That my friend, is "creepy."
Alan Roger Currie's definition of "creepy" behavior: A man who indefinitely goes out of his way to hide, deny, or camouflage his romantic or sexual interest in a woman for fear of being rejected, criticized, or insulted.
If you are attracted to a woman sexually, and you let her know that upfront and straightforwardly, there is nothing 'creepy' whatsoever about that. The only instance where I think it is genuinely "creepy" to be attracted to a woman sexually is if that woman is a blood relative (i.e., your biological mother, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, etc) or she is underage (e.g., you are 35, and you express sexual interest in a girl who is 15 or 16). Other than that, no expression of romantic or sexual interest is "creepy." At least, not in the mind of this highly opinionated columnist.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to go watch some excerpts of Katie Couric's interview with Manti Te'o. That Te'o story deserves an article of its own, don't you think? And I am so glad that Ms. Couric broke up with her ex-boyfriend, Brooks Perlin. She was seventeen years older than him!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Women who are "Cougars" are so downright creepy.
Women, stick to dating men your own age.
Or men who are older.
Or men who are much, much older.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook is available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android smartphone, or other smartphone. If you are sign up for Amazon.com's PRIME membership, you can read Alan Roger Currie's new eBook for FREE. More details on Amazon.com
Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program nationally in the category of "Romance" and dating & relationships on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/modeone and http://modeone.net for more details