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Cleveland's Erections

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History as an art form. Erected by hands. Machinery as a substitute for when hands fail to shape, mold and extend. Plaster, steel and mortar lengthen a dream; a fantasy becomes reality until it explodes in the faces of unsuspecting passers-by. A vision looming skyward which showcases a perverted sense of egoism and narcissism.

1) The Free Stamp - East 9th and Lakeside by Coosje Van Bruggen and Claes Oldenburg, two Norwegian lovers of art and freedom of expression who were paid a ton of money to build a piece of crap. Only in America.

2) Guardians Of Traffic - Lorain/Carnegie Bridge. By Henry Hering and Frank Walker, two people who obviously never drove over said bridge. The guardians are said to watch over the massive traffic that crosses the bridge everyday. Fat lot of good they've done as well, as reports show that at least 194 people die everyday in car crashes there.

3) Jesse Owens Statue - West 3rd and Lakeside. This stands in front of Cleveland Browns Stadium, now called First Energy Stadium. The Browns could use some energy and some of Owen's greatness. Jesse grew up here in Cleveland and gave Hitler the middle finger at the '36 Olympics in Berlin, then kicked him in the junk. That is how Hitler came to have only one testicle.

4) Soldiers And Sailors Monument - 3 Public Square. Built to commemorate the Civil War and topped with the Goddess of Freedom with free admission to penetrate the insides. I will not make any sarcastic comment concerning this statue.

5) Alexander Hamilton Statue - 1200 Ontario St. I have no idea why this statue is in front of the court house as it is a well known fact that Hamilton hated Cleveland. The statue depicts him holding a tin can and a pack of rolling papers.


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