Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus won a $9.3 million settlement from the ASPCA. The ruling declared them not guilty of animal cruelty. They may need that amount and more to defend them-selves against a suit brought by the ASPCC, (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Clowns).
That clown suit, brought by ‘Winky’ the Clown and 46 others, was argued before the 7th District Court in Sarasota Florida.
‘Jingles’ the ASPCC’s clown lawyer jumped from his uni-cycle, took off his red nose and noted the inhumane treatment of clowns in the circus. “When you cram 30 or more clowns in a tiny vehicle built for 4 people, and expect them to tumble out smiling and laughing, then you’ve got a problem. It’s like asking Mel Gibson to sit down at a Passover dinner.
Let’s take a moment to mourn one of our own. Wes ‘Skinny’ Lachinsky was dug out from the bottom of a clown pile in a Volks-Wagon after volunteering to take the critical ‘back seat middle’ position. This after they had all just celebrated the birthday of the boss clown by chowing down on a meal of hot dogs and beans. It took true courage for him to assume the position.
When you continually expect clowns on a diet to be struck with whipped cream pies and not eat them-selves clean, you’ve got a problem. The dry cleaning bill alone is tremendous! And while we’re at it, these garish clothes have got to go! We’ll need Armani or Bill Blass to costume us.
They’re the bottom of the entertainment food chain and lack respect from even balloon twisters, ventriloquists and contortionists.
And finally your honor, we demand to walk next to the elephants, not behind them.”